Despite the fact that I wasn’t raised by a single mother and I’m not a single parent myself, I have a profound respect for those that are. Maybe it’s because I grew up watching my aunt juggle multiple jobs while singlehandedly raising her three children. Or perhaps it’s because I have firsthand experience with just how demanding the vocation of parenthood can be. Whatever the reason, there’s something about hearing the stories of single mothers that makes me want to lean in and pay attention.
Last Saturday (August 31) I had the pleasure of attending “Raised by a Single Mom,” a panel discussion organized by The Appreciate Africa Network and The Single Moms Guild. The event provided a platform for a group of women, those who had either been raised by a single mother or were themselves single parents, to share their stories.
Throughout the day six women representing five countries spoke, each one a living contradiction of the commonly held belief that single mothers can’t raise “successful” children. These women had accomplished careers, impressive qualifications, and many tales of overcoming adversity. When taken together, their truths provided an unequivocal response to the stereotype the forum set out to address.
More than simply proving the point that single parents can raise well-adjusted children, the event was also an opportunity for fruitful dialogue. Members of the audience were encouraged to open up and engage with the speakers in a way that begot remarkable honesty and vulnerability.
I was astonished by just how candid some attendees were. By giving these women a safe space in which to share their narratives, they had also been given a license to voice the anxieties and concerns that seemed to have long-plagued them.
At the end of the meeting the attendees took turns delivering declarations of encouragement to one another. Some of the words seemed to pierce the heart of the receiver with tangible results. Tears were shed and the recipients used adjectives such as “uplifted” and “empowered” to describe how they felt. Without a doubt, it was an emotionally charged assembly, but more than that, there seemed to be a level of inner-healing and liberation taking place.
Since the meeting I’ve had a chance to reflect on what was shared, and what lessons were to be learned. For instance, it occurred to me that some of the struggles single mothers experience aren’t unique to single parents, but are compounded by the fact that they parent alone. For example, most parents will tell you that at one point or another, they’ve grappled with feelings of inadequacy and question whether or not they are doing the right thing for their child. But for a parent who is shouldering all the responsibility, these concerns are often magnified.
The stories that were so generously communicated reminded those in attendance that it’s important to let go of the past and direct one’s energy onto the aspects of life that can be impacted. There was a common theme throughout, of learning to focus on the positive while finding strength in life’s struggles, rather than becoming bitter.
There were many like me in the audience, those who are neither single parents nor raised by single parents, but we thought it important to learn more and stand in solidarity with those who are. Many agreed it was a powerful gathering that facilitated a meaningful discussion that needed to happen.
The Single Moms Guild is a Beijing based organization that aims to support Single Moms. They organize a number of events throughout the year. Contact them here to learn more.
Photo: singlemomsguild.com
