Does Growing up in an International Environment Hinder Forming Real Bonds of Friendship?

Fifteen years, five countries. It’s been difficult, but I don’t often think about it, because to me it feels so natural to constantly move around. I’ve gone to international schools my entire life and the majority of my peers have had the same experiences. I don’t think twice when people tell me that they’ve just moved from somewhere halfway across the world, and then when I hear from them next, they’re living somewhere even farther away than that. This way of life feels so conventional that it never occurred to me what my life could have been like if it wasn’t this way.

It’s true that change is a good thing, and that it’s constant, but when you incessantly remind yourself of it, it limits you. I’ve always felt a sense of uncertainty no matter how settled I become in a new country. I would be leaving it soon enough anyway, and then I would have to start all over again somewhere utterly different. In particular, this mindset always prevented me from investing in the friendships that I knew I wanted to keep. I didn’t really see a point in putting effort into building these relationships when I knew they would be over soon enough. However hopeful one may be, life goes on. You move away and your best friend promises that they’ll call and text, that they’ll come to visit, and that there’s no reason for you to worry because how could they ever forget you? While this is innocent enough, and it does offer some comfort, it almost never works out like that; at least in my experience. People tend to drift apart no matter how hard they try not to.

It might sound trivial to say that it’s been hard for me to make friends, and more importantly, to keep them. Shallow teenage friendships seem like a minor concern, but more than worrying about losing out on friendships, I worry about losing out on bonds. This is something I’ve talked about with many of my friends who move around as much as I do. We feel that we’re more familiar with loneliness compared to most other people. It takes time to build strong relationships, and that, unfortunately, is exactly what we lack. When you have to repeatedly start afresh every few years, it does become quite lonely. You have to be the best version of yourself almost all the time in order to fit in wherever you are because first impressions matter the most.

Most people tell me how lucky I am, how much they wish they could experience living in different countries at such a young age. Whenever I mention how hard it is and how much I wish I could stay in one place for once, they always tell me that I’ll be grateful when I’m older. I’m sure I will, and there are things constantly moving teaches you that nothing else does. But sometimes, just sometimes, I let myself think about what it would have been like if I’d lived in one city all my childhood. Maybe I’d have had lifelong friends that would have known me better than anyone else. But then again, maybe not.

The truth is, you never really know what could have happened if things were different. You can keep wishing, and at times, keep hating the way things are now, but life doesn’t work that way. Situations don’t change, people do. And while that is cliché, I admit, I often find that the most clichéd statements turn out to be the most useful. I may not have a place I can confidently call home, and I may not have the kind of friendships I wish I did. But along the way, I have built some everlasting memories, enjoyed some unforgettable moments, and if everything I’ve been to has led to where I am today, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Sharanya Trivedi is a year 10 student. Originally from India, she has lived in several countries across the world and has been in Beijing since 2017. An avid reader and debater, she is a devoted fan of the k-pop band BTS.