Have you ever been pushed past your limit, and almost bit your tongue off instead of unleashing profanities? Have you ever been overwhelmed with guilt because you couldn’t hold back from swearing, and now feel that you have corrupted your child? Do you miss being able to use the occasional well-chosen curse word to get your points across? Parents fear not – it’s actually okay to curse.
Has this beautiful scene ever appeared in your nightmares before?
… But only under certain circumstances. According to most research, swearing at your kid is never acceptable. Research has found that verbal abuse is psychologically damaging to children, and also sets a bad example. Offensive slurs are also unacceptable and can shift the way your kid perceives certain minorities. However, cursing in front of your kid in reaction to a frustrating ordeal, or because you accidentally stubbed your toe is perfectly fine. Now, let’s address the fear parents inhibit when it comes to cursing one by one:
Children will become violent and aggressive after hearing profanities
According to Benjamin Bergen, a cognitive scientist at UC San Diego, there is no exact proof that “exposure to ordinary – four-letter words – causes any sort of direct harm: no increased aggression, stunted vocabulary, numbed emotions or anything else.” He admits that he used to tippy-toe around cursing once his son reached a certain age, but now doesn’t even sweat it when he drops an f-bomb in front of his kid.
They will use the curse words against you with malicious intent
Again, Bergen cites one observational research study conducted to see what children use profanities for. The study revealed that children from age 1-12, who naturally dropped thousands of taboo curse words, almost none were used for harmful intents. While they may have uttered it many times, it was usually used for non-harmful purposes, such as comedic effect. Of those instances, it rarely led to negative consequences, and none of them led to physical violence.
Your kid will spit out curse words in public and in school
The fear that your kid will randomly show-and-tell the new curse word they learned is valid. Without truly understanding the context of the word, they may use it just for fun, or try to puppet whatever you are saying. In this case, many parents suggest to ignore them when they utter profanities. Instead of giving them attention for doing something typically considered as wrong, you can praise them when they are polite and follow social etiquette. Although not required, it may be better than not to refrain from punishing your kid. Take it from a rebellious teenager – the more you restrict us from doing something, the more we will want to do it. Alternatively, you can try to educate them on the matter calmly, and help them understand that cursing once in a while for fun is acceptable in the house, but should rarely be done in public. Studies show that kids will eventually understand context, and come to know when and how to use these words.
A deeper look into your child’s brain
There are, of course, flaws in the data used in these various research. No one has ever conducted a controlled experiment related to this topic, because it is highly unethical to expose a young child to constant profanity, so take all the research with a grain of salt. At the end of the day, what you choose to do with your kids is up to you. A parent that does not wish their kids to learn profanities can simply choose to refrain from doing so, and become more aware of what vocabulary they use. For those that tend to become guilt-ridden after letting one slip through, chill out. Parenting is hard, and you’re doing your best.
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Images: NBC News, Parentology