Beijing Kids Say the 'Darndest Things!

The end of the school year is a time to look back and reflect on all the wonderful things the classroom has brought us during the year. As I pack up artwork, disassemble bulletin boards, and make final remarks on report cards, I softly hum the dulcet tune of “School’s Out,” and am reminded of all the hilarious things my students said and did. Below are some of my favorite stories from fellow teachers and parents. Enjoy!

Emotional Support Animal: One of my students is very sensitive, and has a small stuffed comfort dog she brings to class. His name is Snoopy*, he sits on the corner of her desk, and when she gets upset or nervous she pets or hugs him quietly and it helps her refocus. I was having a bit of a day, and one of my more…precocious students decided to push my buttons. I was barely controlling my temper and it must have shown on my face because the room got very quiet and tense until the little girl asked, “Do you need to hold Snoopy?”
*names have been changed to protect the identity of the students, and the stuffed toy too.

Creative Biology: The assignment was to make a mixed media collage representing your favorite day with your family and explain why in a short presentation. This little boy stood up in front of the class, presented his collage and announced, “This was the day we went to the park and the balloon guy accidentally let go of all the balloons and they all floated up to the sun! It was magic!” It’s such a cute story, but all I can see is sperm fertilizing an egg… What is wrong with me???

Rules are Rules: At our school there is a rule that you need to ask permission before entering a teacher’s office. One of my students came to see me and forgot, so I gently reminded him by prompting, “May I come in?” Instead of repeating after me, he responded, “Sure! Come on in!”

Easy A: His dad drives a Lamborghini, mom drives a Ferrari…and after each test he writes “I’m sorry” at the bottom of the paper and offers me 20 RMB. Then I just laugh.

Future Lawyer: My daughter really, really wanted a puppy. So she took what she learned in school and wrote me a persuasive essay.

Groundhog Day: When my son was six I spent weeks preparing him for school. We bought new clothes and school supplies, and he was excited to meet new friends. I was nervous about separation anxiety but he walked straight into the classroom with no tears. I picked him up and asked him if he had fun and he excitedly told me all about his day.

That night I put him to bed and said, “Sleep well so you can have a good day at school tomorrow.” He looked confused and said, “What…? But I already went today!?”

Life Behind Bars: I was doing an activity with my students and they had to guess things about me. I’m from South Africa, and I asked them to guess what country I came from. Everyone guessed wrong, so I gave them a clue. I said, “…there are lots of animals where I come from,” and then one boy shouted out, “You come from a zoo?!”
I guess I walked right into that one.