Back to school.
That phrase alone brings about feelings of both excitement, and, if we are to be honest … maybe a little disappointment at the same time. Summer is over, and it’s back to the daily routine. While parents may be jumping for joy, for children, the start of a new year can bring about feelings of anxiety. New classmates? New teachers? Routines? Perhaps even a new school? Oh my!
In the weeks leading up to a new year, I’ve found it helpful to strengthen my mindset. Yes, the ending of just doing what I want and going back to a routine can suck let’s be honest)… But it’s all in how we think about it.
What’s this mindset business about anyway? Simply put, mindset is how we think and feel about our abilities and the world around us. What we think and feel, along with our mindset, shapes our everyday life experiences and our outlook on the future.
It’s kind of like seeing the world through a clean pair of glasses versus a smudgy pair.
A clean lens gives us the ability to see things clearly and view different possibilities in a distance. While the dirty pair distorts what we see, making it difficult to see past the smudge. How we see the world depends on the mindset.
Dr. Carol Dweck, researcher at Stanford University, equates this to having a growth or a fixed mindset. A growth mindset sees struggle as opportunity, while a fixed mindset finds it difficult to work past the struggle. A new year will bring challenges – so how can we foster a growth mindset before the year even begins?
Begin by exploring with your child how amazing our brains really are! It’s all about neuroplasticity, which is just a fancy way of saying our brains get stronger the more we work it! Check out Big Life Journal, which has a four-week guide to teaching your children about neuroplasticity and the growth mindset available – for free!
It’s All About That Process Praise!
Coined by Elizabeth Gunderson’s research, process praise equates success with actions and effort, not results. This differs from person praise, which looks more at abilities as being fixed – your’e either good or bad at something – nothing in between. When we paise the process it impacts motivation, which is essential to a growth mindset.
Instead of saying “you’re so smart,” go a little deeper by adding the effort and strategies your child used. You can say, “Wow, I am impressed with how hard you worked – you did a great job!” Now they see the link between trying and achieving positive results. A major win when it comes to frustrating moments. Take it up a notch and challenge them by asking “What do you think helped you?” This helps them – and you – start to recognize strategies that are helpful, and it also builds their self-regulation skills.
Praise the Struggle
Don’t be stingy with the praise – encourage your child through struggles as well. When used this way, praise becomes almost like a Jedi mind trick! Encouraging your child to act in a way that encourages a repeat performance.
For example, you can say: “I noticed that you took a deep breath when you were frustrated. That kind of practice settles your energy and helps you communicate and focus better.”
When you use praise as an antecedent, the praise comes before the specific behavior and boosts the likelihood of a positive repeat. #winning
Practice Coping Skills
Life is just that: life – with its various ups and downs. It’s inevitable that children will experience an uncomfortable moment here and there. That’s where coping skills come in!
Emotion-focused coping skills are integral when we can not change a situation, enabling us to manage stress levels. Perhaps as a family creates a Raise the Vibe list, where you list various things you can do to boost your mood. Then put your child to work when a situation calls for it. Practice these high vibe techniques now and your child will have a bag of mood-boosting tricks to carry with them back to school.
Make sure to put these skills into practice by integrating coping skills into your family routines. It could be as simple as a collective breathing or stretching exercise to wind down from the day, or going for a walk together when the energy gets a little too high. Modeling these skills together is a form of co-regulation, which is the first step toward your child’s ability to self-regulate.
Boost Those Problem Solving Skills!
A new school year brings challenges; they are inevitable. Equip your child with problem solving coping skills This will require you to be on the hunt for those teachable moments. So how do you do that? If/when you notice your child struggling with something, stop and ask “Do you think you need to change the situation or change how you feel about the situation?” This challenges your child to think critically and assists them with recognizing they have options, which reduces feelings of stress.
Challenge them to make a list of probable ways to tackle the problem, and lists of pros and cons. By doing this you are teaching them problem solving skills they can use in and outside the classroom!
Remember to model this process as well. Children learn by observing. Next time you are facing a problem, share your problem solving process with them. This way they are able to pull from your example.
Nurture That Spark!
Encourage your child to explore those things that make their hearts smile. Remind them that as they fan that spark, their brain grows stronger – making it easier to learn more. Start talking about new ventures they want to explore this year. Is there something you are wanting to try or learn together as a family?
As with anything, building a growth mindset is a process. It’s not about perfection, rather it’s about celebrating the wins and being grateful for the struggles along the way! Happy mindset building!
Images: Pexels
