When I was pregnant, so many people asked if I was going to become a stay-at-home mom. “Just be a mom for a few years and then you can go back to work when they start school” was one of the things I heard the most. But becoming a stay-at-home mom never appealed to me. I know myself. I know that I love my job, I love financial independence, I enjoy conversing with other adults and being part of a team, and I know that spending that much time alone at home wouldn’t be good for me mentally. But for many women that’s exactly what happens. You give up your career to become a stay-at-home mom, and you take on the immense workload and responsibility that comes with that.
And then there’s what society thinks you do all day – lounging around in your PJs and rosé all day. I can’t roll my eyes hard enough when I hear people say stuff like “She has such an easy life” or “She’s just a mom.” Let’s be straight here: There’s no such thing as “just a mom.”
Let’s break down what being a mom means on a typical day: You’re a chef, a nutritionist, a personal shopper, a chauffeur, an ayi, a nurse, your family’s PR director, a teacher, a playmate, an accountant, and a babysitter just to name a few. You basically end up being your family’s personal butler but without the spiffy suit and hefty paycheck that comes with the job.
When your kids are old enough and you decide to re-enter the workforce after years of being home full-time, getting used to a brand new schedule, preparing your kids for it, and finding a job that’s accommodating is no easy task. Cindy Marie Jenkins, our former deputy managing editor, shared her experience of returning back to work after being a stay-at-home mom to two boys for years.
So, before you dust off your work clothes, first things first: How do you nail that interview?
True Run Media’s human resources director, Siyu He, is also a former stay-at-home mom who returned to work after taking care of her twin boys for the first few years after their birth. She shares with us her professional insights on some common concerns.
One of the things that I hear a lot from stay-at-home moms is what they used to be. “I’m Allie’s mom, but I used to be the marketing director for *insert company name.*” Personally, I think that a woman doesn’t have to justify her intelligence by talking about her previous job, but does HR agree with me?
“As HR, I’m interested in all the previous experiences of a candidate,” says Siyu. “I need to know their past behavior to predict their future performance. Because everyone has their own pattern in their career life, previous experience can give enough leads about that.” So, yes, moms! Your life from before your kids matters!
What about talking about your mom life like it’s a full-time job? “In my opinion, I don’t think being a stay-at-home mom is a job,” says Siyu. “I know the whole world is telling us how meaningful it is to be a stay-at-home mom, and we should consider it as [the]same as other jobs. But the reality is not like that. You nearly make every decision by yourself, you work with your family, whom you are very familiar with, which means you are only responsible to your family, not clients or colleagues, you cannot be fired or quit, and you don’t get paid. All of this will subconsciously influence your intentions.” Siyu suggests that you do not introduce your stay-at-home mom life as one of your “working” experiences. “Treat it like what it is. It’s not your job, it’s your life. You are doing what a mom should do.”
So it’s not a good thing if a stay-at-home mom talks about how difficult parenting is, and what an amazing job she’s doing with her family.? “It depends,” says Siyu. “I suggest neither talking too much about that nor ignoring it. Treat it normally. It is a very difficult but amazing experience, but you shouldn’t expect others’ empathy. Not all the interviewers are parents who can relate.”
But there are so many “mom skills” that will come in handy at work. According to Siyu, multitasking and decision-making are skills that come with being a mom. In addition, being a mom makes you detail-oriented, able to coordinate, super organized, etc., all of which are key qualities required for both senior positions and supporting roles.
And when it comes to jobs, certain industries are more welcoming to a woman who needs to balance family, parenting, and a career. According to Siyu, flexibility is the top priority to consider when you want to return to work, especially when your child is under 3 years old, because you cannot always guarantee a calm and normal day. You never know when you’ll need to rush to school because little Jimmy got hurt or suddenly got a tummy ache. Anything could happen, and you will want to be able to work with (or around) disruptions or alterations to your routine. So flexible job positions such as editor, freelance gigs, consultant, accountant, HR representative, etc. are all good choices.
The number one thing that every HR can tell you is that they don’t like candidates who leave without asking questions. At the end of every interview, you’ll be asked, “Do you have any questions for us?” Don’t ever say, “No, I’m good,” and just leave. That’s a definite way to fast-track yourself onto the “no” pile.
Important Reminders for Your Interview
What HR wants to know (and what you should try to work into conversation so they aren’t left with questions):
- Why you decided to return to work. (Do not say, “I just want something to do.” A specific career goal is necessary for every candidate.)
- Why you’re looking to make some changes in your current life.
- What the advantages are of hiring you as opposed to other candidates who don’t have a child.
- How your family is going to support you.
- How you will balance your life.
Questions you need to ask during the interview:
- What are the working hours, weekends, holidays, annual leave provisions, etc.?
- What kind of health insurance plan is there for you and your child? Don’t assume you can ask this question later when you get the offer letter. Ask it during the interview.
- What’s the company culture like? If they say, “We’re like a family here,” you can ask for examples.
- Can you work from home?
- Are they opposed to you taking time off to take care of your child if needed?
- How common is overtime?
Transitioning from being a stay-at-home mom to a working one requires empathy, flexibility, and a forward-thinking approach. Stay-at-home moms bring unique perspectives and strengths that can greatly benefit any organization, but you’ve got to know how to brand your experience so that it appeals to HR. Good luck, and we wish you all the best in your new careers, moms!
Images: Pexels
