‘Growing up, I’d always been the chubby kid. The voluptuous, curvaceous, bigger-boned, larger-framed, cuddlier one. When I came to China, that just turned to ‘fat’. The Chinese and the Chinese-English vocabulary doesn’t pussy-foot around with cutesy, gentler words to describe someone who might be a little on the heavy side. They are simply FAT.
By the time I’d given birth to my now 8 year old daughter, Eiriana, I had a BMI of about 43 and was classed as morbidly obese. I was angry. I was fed up with people staring and pointing at me. I had low self-esteem, became defensive, and unfortunately could understand Chinese very well, so heard all of the remarks and comments that were so freely made. I tried to lie to myself by saying that if people had a problem with my weight, that was THEIR problem, not mine. I would then stubbornly wolf down another chocolate cake or packet of crisps in defiance – there!
But was I happy? I had back ache and at the age of 31 regularly had to have chiropractic care for herniated discs. On the way out the door one morning, I dropped something on the floor and tried to bend to get it, but the usual pain seared through my back again and I had to ask my husband for help. He helped, and as he did so he gently said ‘Paula, if you’re like this at 31, what are you going to be like when you’re 60.’ Those words struck a chord. I knew, then and there, that I needed to do something, I started cutting down, really trying. But I was morbidly obese. I needed something to work faster.
A good friend told me about this crash diet that was guaranteed to work. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel and started the Cambridge Diet almost immediately. No solid food, just three, pre-packaged shakes or soups per day. I gave 100 percent for three solid months and lost about 40kg. I had a break, then continued this liquid diet throughout the week, with gorging at the weekend for another 6 months, losing another 15kg.
I looked great; I felt great! For the first time in my life I could fit into a size 12 pair of jeans! I was a new person. But I was a new person who did not know how to eat. I starved myself through the week then ate until I almost made myself sick at the weekend and every holiday. My weight stayed the same, but then I started to eat a little more throughout the week. A dangerously damaged metabolism couldn’t cope with this and the weight started to creep back on. I got scared, but didn’t have any control. Then I got pregnant again. Of course, I put on weight, but not a huge amount. I felt ok.
When Liam was born, I had a little trouble breastfeeding and was told it was because I wasn’t eating enough. It was like a get-out-of-jail-free card. I ate (and ate and ate) and the weight went right back up to 115kg. Not quite morbid, but definitely obese again. But this time was different, my mind was definitely healthier. I tried losing the weight in a healthy way. I ate really healthily – lots of fruit and vegetables, lots of whole-grains, no alcohol – and only occasional sweet treats. But the weight wouldn’t budge. I decided I needed to do more.
I started doing yoga with the wonderful British Wheel of Yoga Licensed Caz Sanderson. Can you imagine that, 115kg – that’s 230 jin, 253 pounds or 18 stone or whatever measurement you use – is a lot of body trying to wrap itself into yogic shapes. But I loved it! I felt AMAZING after every class. I wanted to do more. I added more classes. Caz started talking to me about my diet and suggested that I look at the Blood-type diet way of life. I immediately bought the book and started the next day. As an O type, I needed to follow a more paleo way of living. More meat, no wheat etc. I started losing weight immediately. Within two months I had lost about 8 kilos. I was so excited. This was working. Caz relocated back to the UK at that point and I was determined not to give up the practice that I had grown to love so much.
I started attending classes at the local yoga studio near my house. It took a lot – no, an immense amount – of courage to go to that first public class, and woah! Was I in for a shock! The gentle yoga that Caz had introduced me to became much stronger, much more intense yoga. I sweated more than I have EVER sweated in my life. I think in the first few classes my teacher, He Laoshi, had probably hoped and prayed that I wouldn’t come back. But I did. And I kept coming back. I started going about 6 days a week, rarely missing a class. I became stronger, more flexible, more agile. But more importantly, I became much more emotionally balanced.
I stopped eating bread and other wheat-flour products altogether. I cut down on other carbohydrates too for a while, and over the next year went from 115kg to my current 75kg. I like to think that I am He Laoshi’s star student now and he looks forward to seeing me when I come to class. Yoga has really helped me find physical and emotional balance. I have stayed at or around 75kg for several months now. I still have treats now and again, but rarely feel the need to binge on the whole bar of chocolate. I eat grains in the form of brown rice, quinoa or oatmeal and still try to steer clear of what I see as my poison – wheat.
I feel energized and don’t have mood swings caused by adrenaline or sugar fluctuations in the blood. I have re-learned the art of eating and found my peace with food and ultimately myself. I’m still a little heavier than average, but I plan to practice yoga for the rest of my life, it is a passion that I know I will continue with. These few extra kilos may come off in time, or they may not, and I feel ok with that.
I currently practice 4-5 times a week with Iyengar yoga teacher He Yi Ou. Over the past 18 months of practice with him, his constant reassurance that yoga is not a competition and that everybody has different capabilities has helped me build confidence and self-esteem. I don’t think he ever thought that I would get to where I am today, I’m not sure whether I did either. But one things for certain, I know I will never go back. I didn’t lose the weight through extreme diet and exercise – I changed my way of life.
After living in China for 16 years, I know I need to have a healthy attitude towards my body shape and understand that I will never be ‘Asian’ slim. Last week, I had a massage and the masseuse asked if I ‘have always been fat or have I just got fat after having a baby?’ I confidently said with a mischievous giggle, ‘I’ve always been fat, but I’m thin now!’ I think a lot of foreigners get distorted body images in China where a UK size 12 is considered XXL. My body is built differently and for me being healthy, both physically and emotionally is much more important to me than how many of my vertebra are protruding!’
Photos courtesy of Paula Zhou
Originally from Wales in the UK, Paula Zhou is mum to Eiriana, 8 and Liam, 3 and has been living and working as an Early Childhood Educator in China for the past 16 years. Paula has a pretty hectic schedule as Head of Schools at The Children’s House International Montessori Kindergarten as well as holding Parenting Workshops for the Beijing Community and being a ‘Mama’ to her two gorgeous kids and says she is only able to fit in her regular yoga sessions with the immense love and support of her soul-mate, best friend and incredibly patient husband, Zhou Wei Hua,
Paula has been practicing Hatha yoga with a focus on Iyengar’s teachings with the wonderfully knowledgeable, patient and inspiring Yoga teacher He Yi Ou at You Jing He Tang Yoga Club (悠静荷塘瑜伽会) for just under 18 months.
Paula has been practicing Hatha yoga with a focus on Iyengar’s teachings with the wonderfully knowledgeable, patient and inspiring Yoga teacher He Yi Ou at You Jing He Tang Yoga Club (悠静荷塘瑜伽会) for just under 18 months.
Thanks He Laoshi for not giving up on me!
