In our new regular feature, we discuss parenting issues with families from Western and Asian backgrounds. This month, the focus is healthy eating
Rebecca Archer has lived in Beijing for two years with her husband Caleb and children Neriah (age 4), Levi (3), and Malachi (1). Caleb works in education and Rebecca is a stay-at-home mom.
What sort of meals do you and your family generally eat?
We are from New Zealand where we don’t have one typical type of food. We cook and eat various dishes from around the world. One night we might eat tostados or enchiladas, Indian or Malaysian another night, pizza or lasagne another night, or a traditional ‘meat and three veg’ meal.
How do you decide on a healthy diet for your children?
I follow the latest mainstream research, so as much as possible, I try to purchase and cook whole foods with little to no sugar, and we limit our meat intake. However, as my baby has become a toddler, I can’t seem to bake as often as I’d like, and so I rely more on pre-packaged snack food for the kids. I do still try and keep those snacks as sugar and additive free as possible.
How do you encourage your children to eat healthy food (e.g. vegetables)?
We usually have some raw vegetables which I let the children snack on while I am cooking, and I often have bowls of cooked peas and sweet corn which even my fussiest eater will eat. Other times I will grate vegetables and cook them into things like sauces so they are hidden. Unfortunately, my eldest has cottoned on to that and refuses to eat it now. I serve cut up salad ingredients for them to put in their own rice and bean dishes, which always works.
In my home, if the vegetables are served alongside a meat portion, they need to eat the vegetables first before eating their meat. This applies to my eldest daughter who is the picky eater, otherwise she will eat her chicken or sausage and then announce “I’m full,” and my toddler who will happily eat vegetables if he cannot see meat on the table, otherwise he will just be a carnivore the entire meal. I also don’t allow snacking before dinner apart from the vegetables, otherwise my daughter will not eat dinner if it looks remotely healthy.
What do you do if your child refuses to eat something?
Nothing. I serve the food, they can choose it they want to eat it or not, and they can choose how much they want to eat. If they genuinely don’t like something (like a failed cooking experiment, or maybe too much curry paste), sometimes I will whip up something they do like, like scrambled eggs. But if it is a dinner that I know is easy on the palate, but she doesn’t want to eat it, then she chooses to go to bed hungry. I won’t prepare anything else. I definitely do not make a big deal out of it. I stay calm, encourage a taste, but don’t push it. I have the opinion that a child won’t let himself starve.
At home, do you generally eat with your children, or separately?
My husband is usually not here for meals, but I eat every meal with the children, and on the weekends we always eat every meal as a family. I believe that eating meals together really strengthens a family’s bond so it’s something I’ve always done with my kids as soon as they were old enough to eat.
Do you let your children eat fast food?
Maybe twice a month we might order pizza or Chinese take-out (considered a fast food in NZ), and they have had McDonalds two or three times (they didn’t like the burgers or nuggets), but usually when we get fast food it is something like Avocado Tree or Indian food, or french fries, which they love!
Do you let your children eat sweets?
We have a treat day on Saturday, and that is when we go and buy ice cream or eat chocolate together, or if we go on a mummy or daddy date they might get a donut or ice cream. They are allowed to eat sweets on special occasions like birthday parties, if we have visitors for dinner. On a day-to-day basis they do not eat things like this – most playgroups I attend keep the snacks healthy. If someone happens to bring something sweet, I will never stop my kids having some. Same goes for juice. They can drink it at other people’s houses if it is offered, or on a special occasion, but I don’t keep it in the house, so it is not a temptation for us on a daily basis.
Do you eat out with your children? If so, how do you manage their behavior?
Yes, we eat out on average once a week. We prefer places with a playground so the children can run around. On the occasion where we have eaten out at places where the children need to remain seated, generally pens and paper work well for entertainment, but we usually have to get out and walk our 18 month old around, so we try to avoid those types of restaurants. We used to do it when we had two young kids, but with three young kids under the age of 5, you spend more time trying to contain and prevent every conceivable situation than actually enjoying the meal. We also try and practice table manners at home so they are better behaved when they are out.
Marx Wu, originally from Heilongjiang, has lived in Beijing for 17 years. He owns and runs the Montford Children’s Place, a private Montessori kindergarten in Tongzhou. He is married to Esther Dong, and they have a two-year-old daughter called Emma.
What sort of meals do you and your family generally eat?
Our parents take care of the kids during the day and prepare the food, so we come home to a banquet! My mother-in-law often cooks seven or eight dishes: fish, pork, beef, and vegetables. They have the idea that we only have one meal at home, so it has to be formal and serious. But when we get home, it’s generally around seven o’clock, and we’ve already had a big lunch during the day, so when it gets to dinner we’re not really hungry. But you can’t really say no to Chinese food.
How do you decide on a healthy diet for your children?
We don’t use monosodium glutamate, and try to make our food less salty and oily. Chinese food can be really oily. We’re from the northeast where people eat really salty food. But all this has really changed in the last ten years. There are more TV programs with experts telling people how to cook and eat healthily. We’ve dropped a large amount of salt in the last ten years, probably cut it by 50 percent. We eat more veggies, and for food safety, we buy a lot from overseas.
How do you encourage your children to eat healthy food (eg vegetables)?
This really becomes a parenting issue. For me I don’t have any difficulties telling Emma what to eat, because it’s very natural for us to communicate. She’s getting the idea that she needs to grow up, so I tell her that she has to get up in the morning, get some exercise in the sun, eat some food, and have a nap. When I ask her how she did today, she says, “I slept, I ate, I drank water.”
What do you do if your child refuses to eat something?
At our school, parents will say to us, “our kids don’t eat meat” or “our kids don’t like veggies”, but at school it all just vanishes. We give them limited choices. We tell them, “You have your set amount, the necessary nutrition that you have to take in. You have to finish that first, and after that, it’s your choice.” We are friendly but insistent.
When kids have their preferences, it’s not being naughty. It’s because the parents make the choices, and buy stuff they like. Kids don’t have that choice.
At home, do you generally eat with your child, or separately?
This is something we’re not really satisfied about. She started to dine with us, in a baby chair, and I can feel the desire from her to be like everyone else. But her grandparents still think of her as a little baby, who needs to eat separately. And they feed her! Grandparents think it’s more convenient to feed a kid, because when they start to feed themselves there’ll be food everywhere. Young moms are more relaxed, giving kids opportunities. If you give them a month they’ll get the hang of it.
Do you let your children eat fast food?
Not yet! We know it’s something we can’t avoid, but we want to wait until she’s old enough to make her own choice, when we can tell her what it is and what it does.
Do you let your children eat sweets/ cakes/ ice cream?
A couple of days ago she had her first lollipop – someone else gave it to her, we can’t say no! We’re trying to hold it back. It’s tasty, but it does harm to health and teeth. We’ll let her have one treat per day, and make her own choice when to have it.
Do you eat out with your children? If so, how do you manage their behavior?
Once a week, or once every other week, when I have the opportunity. I’ll just talk to her like a friend, and say, “Shall we go eat in a restaurant?” She says “OK.” I say, “Would you like some fish? Anything else?” And she might ask for rice. She’s really patient and quiet at the table. Every time I take her, they’ll be amazed, because other kids have difficulties staying at the table. And if she says “I’m full,” I’ll stop asking. It’s typical for Chinese families to say “Eat more! One more spoonful!”
This article originally appeared on page 38-39 of the August 2016 Issue of beijingkids magazine. Click here for your free online copy. To find out how you can obtain a hard copy, contact distribution@truerun.com.
Photos: Courtesy of Rebecca Archer, Marx Wu, and Urbanpeek.com
