Usually when moms gather together, most of the chatter revolves around their children, and rightfully so – other parents are a great source of sympathy, advice and camaraderie. But Varvara Shavrova, a full-time studio artist and the mother of two sons (ages 12 and 8), isn’t interested in this sort of socializing.
“I want to talk about life – what have you done, what film have you seen, what book are you reading,” says the Russian native who has lived in Beijing for almost five years.
Shavrova is the force behind a new sort of socializing group for mothers in the capital, the cheekily named Beijing Bad Moms, an idea that has been in the making for the past three years but only came to fruition last March.
The idea struck her when she and her children attended the birthday party of one of her friend’s daughters at The Vineyard Café. “About ten mothers and their children all sat in the back room for the party, and I don’t know what happened, but the mothers sat there until 8pm
drinking ten bottles of champagne while our kids were running through the hutongs,” recalls Shavrova fondly. Although the wait staff and other patrons were not amused, Sharvrova remarked to her friends, “We are Beijing Bad Moms. That’s what we are!” The evening ended with one of the mothers riding through the hutong on the birthday girl’s brand-new pink bicycle with the parade of children and mothers in tow — Beijing Bad Moms was born.
Last March, Shavrova registered the website, Beijingbadmoms.com (which is still in the works) and organized the first official Beijing Bad Moms meeting. Their first meeting was held at China Bar in the Yintai Centre on the 66th floor. The only requirement? Mothers had to wear five-inch heels. And the non-negotiable rule? Leave the kids and husband at home.
Behind Closed Doors
Beijing Bad Moms has met monthly since that first meeting in March. When asked what the women do while congregating, Shavrova laughs and says, “Of course I can’t tell you! It’s top-secret – we’re a funny handshake group,” before admitting, “We just talk, chat, eat, and drink. And we don’t allow men. Even my husband is not allowed.” Recently, the social outings have also become great opportunities for networking; the members, many of whom are artists and filmmakers, share their work and exchange business cards.
Despite the name, the group has expanded to include women who don’t have children or partners. “I have such good girlfriends, so I thought, why not invite them?” says Shavrova, who discovered that the mix of different types of women created a nice dynamic. The official slogan of the group is, “You don’t have to be a mother to be bad.”
The “bad” in the name speaks to traditional society’s notion that mothers are defined by their children and their husbands – the
independent women Shavrova recruits for her group still pursue their own interests, whether or not they have kids. “It’s not how bad you are, it’s how interesting you are. We don’t discriminate if you’re married, single with kids, single without kids, heterosexual, or gay – the only thing is, you cannot be boring,” she says.
Bad Does Good
Last October, Shavrova and another Beijing Bad Mom, Bridget Rooth (creator of Englishtrackers.com), organized a dinner for the group with tapas and wine on tap. They charged RMB 120 per ticket and donated the money to Ping An Medical Foster Homes, a charity where abandoned children with physical disabilities are given operations and then placed with a foster family during their recuperation. Beijing Bad Moms raised RMB 4,000 in one evening. Another Bad Mom has fostered two Chinese girls after they underwent major heart surgeries – now the girls are living together with a family in the US and growing strong. The proceeds from the October gathering are going towards the operation for a boy at Ping An, and Shavrova says they plan on visiting him during his recuperation. “Maybe one of us will foster him,” she says.
For their Christmas bash in December, Shavrova hosted a potluck dinner in her courtyard house that was also a silent charity auction. Many of the women have a talent – making jewelry, clothes, photographs, paintings, etc. Each woman donated an item and the silent auction raised RMB 13,500 which they are donating to the Children of MaiDaFu Charity, a foundation that supports kids in the Chinese countryside.
No Men Allowed
The rule of “No men” was only broken once at the Christmas party – the DJ was a man. “I warned him: You cannot tell anyone what’s happening here,” says Shavrova, jokingly.
There was one other incident, though. After a Beijing Bad Moms
dinner at Xiao Wang Fu a few months ago, the group headed to
Chocolate, a Russian bar; the 15 women who entered caused quite a stir. “It’s quite unusual to have so many women who are just there to drink and dance and have no interest in picking up men,” says
Shavrova, who says that all the hopeful Romeos were quickly
dismissed.
When one member invited her husband to meet the group at the club, Shavrova strictly enforced the sacred rule. “If you want to go with a club with your husband, go to a different club. If you invite him to our group, it’s intrusive,” she says. “You can bring them to every other party, just not this one.”
Excluding men is an indication of the core agenda of the group – to encourage female camaraderie and fun. When women are together
without men, the atmosphere is more relaxed and women have the freedom to be themselves. But don’t get too comfortable. “You have to dress up. I don’t believe women dress up for men – they dress up for themselves and for each other. It’s important to keep our standards high,” Shavrova says.
Children and babies aren’t invited, either. “Have a break, leave your baby with your husband for two hours.” But motherhood isn’t completely ignored – monthly meetings are only held on weekdays because Shavrova knows that weekends are usually reserved for family engagements.
Shavrova, whose sons attend Fangcaodi and Harrow, emphasizes that her family is a major priority in her life, but being a mom is only part of being a woman – and it’s important that at least one night a month, mothers don’t forget that.
The Beijing Bad Moms site, www.beijingbadmoms.com, is currently
under construction. The group will post blogs and photos soon. For details about the group’s founder, visit VarvaraShavrova.com.
