Q: How can I help during the labor?
A: By simply being there for your wife or partner and your baby to welcome him or her into the world. Research has proven that women require less medication if they have the presence of a constant birth companion, someone whom they feel comfortable with. That certainly sounds like you fit the job description.
Q: What if I really can’t cope with seeing my wife or partner in pain?
A: There are many men who feel this way; they are anxious at the thought of attending the birth. This is normal, and it is a measure of your love that you care so much that you want to get it right. Read about the childbirth process. Remember that it is a gradual process; each stage has phases (not at all like on TV or in a movie).
A: There are many men who feel this way; they are anxious at the thought of attending the birth. This is normal, and it is a measure of your love that you care so much that you want to get it right. Read about the childbirth process. Remember that it is a gradual process; each stage has phases (not at all like on TV or in a movie).
Q: I have heard alarming stories about childbirth. Are you sure that I will cope?
A: From my experience, men find just the right skills instinctively on the exciting day of birth. BUT, knowledge of the natural childbirth process really does help. If possible, take a childbirth class or read a little. However, don’t believe everything you read on the Internet. (See the end of this blog post for a select reading list.)
A: From my experience, men find just the right skills instinctively on the exciting day of birth. BUT, knowledge of the natural childbirth process really does help. If possible, take a childbirth class or read a little. However, don’t believe everything you read on the Internet. (See the end of this blog post for a select reading list.)
Q: How do I hold our baby?
I am often asked by dads to observe them holding their baby. In reality, there is no absolute “right” or “wrong.” Again, your instinct will guide you. BUT if you would like a little guidance, place one hand under your baby’s head and one hand under your baby’s bottom. Keep your baby close to your own body.
I am often asked by dads to observe them holding their baby. In reality, there is no absolute “right” or “wrong.” Again, your instinct will guide you. BUT if you would like a little guidance, place one hand under your baby’s head and one hand under your baby’s bottom. Keep your baby close to your own body.
Remember this wonderful baby has just left the safety and security of his or her life in the uterus. Baby’s needs in the first weeks of life are simple: try recreating the uterine environment through warmth, security, and constant nourishment.
Q: My paternity leave is very short; I am really concerned about leaving my wife alone once I return to work. What can I do to help?
A: This is one of the most frequent questions asked by new fathers. I am always impressed by the strong, nurturing, and protective bond between the many new parents whom I encounter in my work. It is true that you will have enjoyed being home with your baby and your wife or partner. Nothing can match the moments spent simply gazing into your baby’s eyes and marveling at this tiny miracle.
A: This is one of the most frequent questions asked by new fathers. I am always impressed by the strong, nurturing, and protective bond between the many new parents whom I encounter in my work. It is true that you will have enjoyed being home with your baby and your wife or partner. Nothing can match the moments spent simply gazing into your baby’s eyes and marveling at this tiny miracle.
Your help in nurturing your partner will have been more valuable than you can imagine. If you try to put help into place in advance of your return to work, the transition into the very demanding early weeks of parenting will be smoother.
If possible, encourage grandparents to delay their visit for a week or so after the birth so that they can not only welcome their grandchild, but provide the essential support needed in your absence. Remind Grandma and Grandpa that the new mom has a need for rest, good food, and nurturing. This is not a time for her to playing the Beijing tour guide.
Q: Does my wife really have enough milk?
A: Getting breastfeeding established takes at least four weeks so that supply and demand are in harmony. Typically, by day 12, most parents try a little too hard to pick up their “old life.” I know; I was a new mom, too. Whenever I forgot to nurture myself, my milk supply went down a little.
A: Getting breastfeeding established takes at least four weeks so that supply and demand are in harmony. Typically, by day 12, most parents try a little too hard to pick up their “old life.” I know; I was a new mom, too. Whenever I forgot to nurture myself, my milk supply went down a little.
My answer to the above question is always “yes”! But I listen carefully to the history of the previous 24 hours’ activities from the mom’s perspective. I gently remind her of the wisdom of cultures who nurture their new moms for 40 days after the birth. While very few moms wish to observe 40 days of isolation and lack of social contact, I do see a lot of new moms (including myself at one time) who simply try to be a super woman.
Your body has just provided nine months of wonderful nourishment for your baby, you carefully adjusted your diet and lifestyle during the pregnancy, and in less that two weeks, we expect our bodies to return to their former state and at the same time provide 24 hours of nourishment via breast milk for our new babies? We forget to nurture ourselves in trying to re-establish the old life. In fact, the “old life” will never be quite the same, but it will be an exciting and fulfilling “new life” if we simply give ourselves time.
Q: Do you recommend getting a baby ayi?
A: Many people enjoy the services of a baby ayi, but they may not feel comfortable with another person helping with their baby. Hire a reliable baby ayi in advance of the birth, get to know her, explain that your wife is the primary caregiver, but that their help is also needed. Cultural difference need to be thought out in advance.
A: Many people enjoy the services of a baby ayi, but they may not feel comfortable with another person helping with their baby. Hire a reliable baby ayi in advance of the birth, get to know her, explain that your wife is the primary caregiver, but that their help is also needed. Cultural difference need to be thought out in advance.
Early planning enables mom to focus exclusively on nurturing your baby, but there is also a need to nurture Mom herself. Take recommendations for a baby ayi from friends and ask vital questions, such as: Are they familiar with newborn babies? You need to feel confident that your assistant is confident with infants.
Q: What support networks exist in Beijing?
A: Explore all possible support networks; book them into your agenda for this first week when you return to work.
A: Explore all possible support networks; book them into your agenda for this first week when you return to work.
- Check out what friends did to get over this period.
- Enlist a breastfeeding buddy – another mom who breastfed her baby for several months.
- Make a coffee date for your wife or partner with a friend for the first days of your return to work. Many new moms miss the opportunity to have an adult conversation once their spouse has returned to work. The majority of new moms have been busy working or adapting to life in Beijing and miss being sociable. The early days of breastfeeding mean more time at home. An invitation to share a cup of coffee and simply be a good listener is at this point the best gift that new moms can receive in your absence.
- Remind your wife to reach out; the Yahoo group Beijing Mamas and the beijingkids Forum is a good source of baby-related information.
- Don’t sit at home alone feeling isolated. The early days of parenting are wonderful, but know that you are not alone in feeling a mixture of emotions at suddenly being the sole caregiver to your baby. It is OK; you have permission to be grateful for your newborn, but to admit it is a huge challenge to get through certain days. We have all felt like this at some point.
Resources:
- La Leche League: An International breast feeding support group that meets every fourth Friday afternoon at Beijing United Family Hospital in The Yurt.
- Baby Cafe Local in Sanlitun: A free weekly breastfeeding support group founded by a UK midwife. Baby Cafe is a branch of the Baby Cafe Organization, a joint UK government initiative with the NHS and the National Childbirth Trust. It opens most weeks on Wednesday. Email anne.hemsley@gmail.com to join the mailing list; always check in advance for updated opening times.
- Breastfeeding masseuses: There are at least two professional Chinese breastfeeding masseuses in Beijing. They have an excellent knowledge of the physiology of lactation and can assist in promoting milk flow and dealing with emergency situations of blocked milk ducts. Contact Zhi Jie at 158 1119 8249 and Bin Ke at 180 0131 5993.
Recommended Reading:
- The Pregnancy Bible by Joanne Stone and Keith Eddleman
- Guide to Childbirth by Ina May
- Active Birth: The New Approach to Giving Birth Naturally by Janet Balaskas
- Birth Skills by Juju Sundin
- The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by La Leche League International
- The Food of Love by Kate Evans
Photo by ishane via Flickr
