Dear Landlord,
Hi, it’s me. You know, that guy who for the past ten months made sure your apartment remained in good working order and even did a few home improvements. That’s right, your tenant. It’s been almost a year and it’s time for your annual review. I know you were not expecting one, but I think you need one and I really don’t mind.
Back in August, you mentioned some things that I took to heart: that you are a good landlord, you wanted our family to live well in your apartment, and that you had no intention of selling. Since your place fit our pressing needs, we inked the contract and took you at your word. As you may recall, our previous landlord sold the place out from under us, as did the two before that. Unfortunately, you did not seem to appreciate that two years does not equal 10 months. I’m afraid in the math department, you need some work.
Of course, it is well within your right to sell your property and I do not begrudge you that. I think we can all agree that the decent thing to do would be to show your renters some curtsey and discuss the matter with them first. No, we wouldn’t buy the place, but you might have asked. Either way, a bit of a heads up would have been nice. As I hope you can now appreciate, showing up at our doorstep on a Saturday morning and announcing your intent to sell with a half-dozen real-estate agents in your wake expecting to come in and take photos unannounced, that was…well…it made you look like an ass. I’m afraid in the not-acting-like-a-douche department, you need a lot of improvement.
Finally, your attempt to play this off as some trivial misunderstanding is frankly insulting. When I review your reassurances from last summer, what is clear to me is that you only care about three things right now – money, money, money. So be it, this is, after all, your place.. However, for the sake of the rest of humanity, I suggest that you quit the landlord business. There is too much improvement to be done in this department and we feel your talents, such as they are, must make you better suited to more isolated work. You know, one where you don’t actually interact with people.
Note: I’ll be pointing out to any potential buyers just which “home improvements” I’ll be ripping out before I go. Hey look, I’ve already got my crowbar.
Photo courtesy of HomeSpot HQ (flickr)
