Mother’s Day Special: What Does She Really Want for Mother’s Day?

Mother’s day is upon us, and moms near and far will be bombarded with their kids’ art. Of course, there’ll be brunches with the family, and some mothers will get breakfast in bed, with chaos in the kitchen to show for it. But is this what all mothers really want? Even though I treasure my daughter’s art, I don’t want any more of it, as she gives me around ten pieces a day. And do I really want more mess in my kitchen?

I remember giving birth to our daughter. As I looked into her crib in the hospital, I realized that I would never ever be alone again. The hormones got the better of me, and I was very dramatic. I thought I would never have time to myself again. It scared me, and got me in a state of panic that did not leave until she was a year old. Little did I know that “never being alone again” was partly true. I was in constant care mode, and the time I left her with Daddy, I felt so much guilt. I also thought that I had to spend my husband’s days off with the three of us, making the best of family time. But soon I realized that I needed time for myself to recharge, as keeping this small human alive was more testing and tiring than anything I ever had done.

I started sacrificing family time for “me” time. I still felt guilty, but I knew this was a solution for my problem of never being alone. My husband would take the baby outside so I could rest, read a book, or rearrange the house. Even then, I still did not find my former self until I started working again.

I was at a book fair with my daughter and a childless friend. I spent around 15 minutes browsing fast through the books, made my decision, paid and took my daughter to the playground. My friend however stayed inside for almost an hour. Initially I thought she left without saying goodbye, but then it dawned on me that she has time, she does not need to take care of a child. She can browse without feeling guilty or looking around to see if her child is destroying every book in sight. She has unlimited time to immerse herself in the moment and enjoy what she is doing. How I long to get back to just half a day of that! Don’t get me wrong, I love my child but we mothers tend to forget about ourselves.

I have asked around and clearly this is something lots of mothers secretly desire.  All mothers I talked to wanted to spend some time just being in the moment: not feeling guilty or coming back to a destroyed house.  So what do mothers really want?  Some time off for ourselves without the guilt nor the wrecked home.

Carnisa Berry, a life coach in Beijing, gave me a beautiful piece of advice, “As a mom, one of the best gifts you can give your kids when you think you’ve made a mistake is self-forgiveness. Feeling guilty will not make you a better parent, it will only create bitterness and resentment. Forgiveness creates an environment of love and connection for you and your children.”

So for you loving families, I have found a few venues where husbands and kids can get gift cards, or make appointments to pamper mom, and added an ayi service just in case you are not confident of keeping the home the way it was when mother left.