Wu Jian is a stay-at-home mom. Her husband Matthew Lowish teaches at Dulwich College Beijing (DCB), and they have three children: daughters Kaili (age 6) and Tiesha (4), who are students at DCB, and son Jiesun who is a year old. The girls were born in the UK, but the family moved to Beijing in 2014, and had Jiesun here.
Were you told the gender of your baby/ babies at a scan? Did you want to know? Did you tell others?
I gave birth twice in the UK, to my 6 year old and 4 year old girls. When I was pregnant with my girls, I did want to know the gender of my baby, only because I wanted to know what to prepare. As far as I remember at about 14 or maybe 16 weeks I had a check up. When I was given the scan I asked the midwife at the hospital and they happily told me that I was having a baby girl, and I told my family about this.
What sort of birth did you want to have?
I have always wanted to have a natural birth, but all my children were big babies – my first girl was 8.2 pounds, my second girl was almost 9 pounds and my boy was also over 8 pounds even though he was born at only 37 weeks, so I have had a Caesarean section 3 times.
To what extent were you able to have the birth you wanted?
I have always enjoyed the moment when I gave birth, even though it was hard, but I enjoyed the moment when I saw my babies were born beautiful and healthy.
How were the medical professionals at your birth?
In the UK, with my two previous pregnancies, I really enjoyed seeing midwives. I had a lot of professional support and encouragement and I never worried about anything, as the midwives were always helpful, patient and happy to give suggestions, and I felt more personally attached to them. My last birth was in Beijing, but the experience was different, as it was my third pregnancy, and I was so nervous and always being told different things by different people.
Was your husband present at the birth? What part did he play?
With my birth in the UK, when I had a C-section, my husband was right beside me and he literally saw the baby came out from my tummy. The baby was handed over to him straight away and I had skin touch with my baby once she was out.
What support did your parents give you, before and after the birth?
In the UK, mainly the support was just my husband and myself.
What support did your husband’s parents give you, before and after the birth?
My in-laws did a lot with my children. When I gave birth to my second daughter they helped to look after my big girl and took her out for meals or to play in the park. Before the birth we would always help the kids to prepare and be aware that somebody would be joining our family soon, and they would learn how to share and look after each other.
Did you “zuò yuèzi” (麟墩綾)? If not, what did you do immediately after the birth?
I did not zuò yuèzi in the UK as this seems not their culture; also we really needed to move on and keep our daily life going as usual, but I did zuò yuèzi after my third birth in Beijing as I have got my family here to look after me and my children. We also had a full-time Ayi who took on the full responsibility of my housework.
Did you breastfeed? If so for how long?
My oldest girl and my son are both allergic to dairy milk products — so I breastfed my first till she was 3 years old, and my second girl was breastfed till 2 and a half. I am also planning to breastfeed my boy until at least the age of 2 I think.
Tyra Florence Johl, originally from the UK, came to Beijing with the intention of traveling the world but instead she met her soulmate, software engineer Wentao Du (Alex). They married in 2014 and had their son Micah Beilu Du in 2016. Florence is now a stay-at-home mom, and also studying for a Bsc (Hons) in Business and Management.
Were you told the gender of your baby/babies at a scan? Did you want to know? Did you tell others?
We found a really exciting gender reveal activity that we wanted to try at our baby shower, which consisted of a friend knowing the gender and painting my husband’s hands either blue or pink, which he would print on my belly while our eyes were closed. Therefore at one of the scan checkups, we asked the sonographer if we were able to have her write the gender on a piece of paper, fold it and hand it back. It was super exciting when we found out the gender of the baby!
What sort of birth did you want to have?
I wanted a home water birth, which is another reason why we wanted to go home as it is illegal in China. Health care in England is free to its citizens, which is another bonus reason to go home. I really wanted my Mum to be there too. My parents-in-law were of course sad that they were not going to be there but they thought it was the better plan.
To what extent were you able to have the birth you wanted?
I attended hypnobirthing classes in preparation for my home water birth and also hired the birthing tub. But what actually happened crushed me as I did not get the birth of my dreams (literally, I dreamt about a water birth almost every night). At 34 weeks pregnant, my water broke spontaneously and I was to be hospitalized for at least 3 weeks so that I could try to keep the baby put until he was full term (37 weeks). My baby just couldn’t wait and really wanted to celebrate Christmas with us – he was born 6 weeks early.
How were the medical professionals at your birth?
They always explained everything to me when I did not understand and always reassured me when I was worried. A complete opposite to my China experience when I was told at one of my ultrasound appointments that my baby was too small, yet I was getting too fat. Very blunt and insensitive. When I asked questions about things I did not quite understand, the doctor and sonographer refused to explain it to me. Both experiences were very different indeed.
Was your husband present at the birth? What part did he play?
My husband was present at my emergency C-section. I was terrified and he held my hand the whole way! Through contractions he would rub my back, adjust the lighting and turn up my hypnobirth audio. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner. My hero!
What support did your parents give you, before and after the birth?
My parents were incredible, especially as labor was unexpectedly 6 weeks early. They ran around like crazy buying baby clothes, toiletries, nappies, and made a chest of drawers in my dad’s workshop. My mum knitted blankets and deep cleaned the whole house while visiting me as much as possible bringing my favorite food, clothes that I needed.
What support did your husband’s parents give you, before and after the birth?
My parents-in-law were of course willing to do anything including flying over to England for the birth. My husband thought it wouldn’t be ideal as we wanted to focus on the birth rather than be worried about what guests were doing. However, they constantly video called us and always wanted to buy loads of things for the baby. We told them to wait but we understood they just wanted to help somehow as they were so far away. When I was hospitalized, we decided not to tell them as we didn’t want them to worry so we waited until I was in active labor. Of course they mentioned some strange things to me like not letting the cold or wind touch my skin, but it was winter, it was too cold anyway so I just agreed. After the birth they would send us messages about pulling my son’s nipples to let the liquid out… They mean well and as much as I would have liked them there for the birth, it was really nice for my husband and me to just get to know our baby and figure out our family dynamics for the first four months. Don’t get me wrong, my parents-in-law are wonderful people, it’s just cultural differences that get in the way sometimes.
Did you “zuò yuèzi” (麟墩綾)? If not, what did you do immediately after the birth?
I actually liked the concept of zuò yuèzi but not so much the traditional rules of not showering, not watching TV or looking at phones, being unable to leave the house, and so on. So we created our own. Due to having such a tough labor, we didn’t really start our zuò yuèzi until I was home. So my husband prepared all of my meals which included lots of soup. My appetite wasn’t quite there but boy was I thirsty! I didn’t know how thirsty breastfeeding made you. So soup was perfect. I then stayed in bed for the first week with my tiny (1.84kg) baby boy. I couldn’t move much anyway due to the C-section. The second week, I started moving around the house and my appetite was coming back. By the third week we went outdoors for the first time. It was the first time away from our baby and we only managed it for 20 minutes! The doctors recommended not to take him outdoors at least until he was 4 kg and an official newborn (38 weeks), as it was winter and he couldn’t regulate his own body temperature. So from there we tried to go out everyday making each time longer until I finally recovered. (There’s still slight pain, after five months.)
Did you breastfeed? If so for how long?
Yes, we are still breastfeeding at five months. At first we breastfed and formula fed as advised by the doctor, the main reason being because of his low body weight, jaundice and the lack of ability to regulate heat. At that moment I would have done whatever to ensure his health. He is a healthy breastfed 7kg 5 month old now!
This article appeared on p. 44-45 of beijingkids July issue.
Download the digital copy here.
Photos: Courtesy of Wu Jian and Tyra Florence Johl
