Cuisine is at the heart of any culture. The food we grew up loving always has a place in our hearts, however, open we are to new culinary experiences. But one culture’s comfort food is another’s challenging experience. Fried pork liver can be too much for western palates, while strong cheese is often a shock to those raised on Chinese cuisine. We talked to two mixed culture families about how they manage these differences and get cultures to mingle on the dinner table.
Video game producer Peter Long likes to tell people he met his wife Shelby at a party, but Shelby let us in on a secret: they really met using a Chinese dating app! They’ve named their cat Tantan after the app that brought them together. Shelby is originally from Minnesota and now works as a teacher. She enjoys traveling and cycling, while Hunan-born Peter likes video games and basketball. They’ve just celebrated the birth of their first child, Riley.
Do you both enjoy food from each other’s country? Is there anything about the cuisine of the other culture that you find difficult to enjoy?
We both eat a variety of foods from each other’s countries without problems. I will never get used to eating rice multiple times a day, no matter how strange my in-laws find it. My husband will eat almost any Western food except mustard.
Have you tried any particular dishes from your spouse’s country that were challenging? How did you compromise between your different eating habits?
Nothing dramatic. In general, if one of us likes a food the other doesn’t, we eat it sparingly or order it for ourselves at restaurants and it’s no big deal. When we cook at home we make things both of us like.
Where does your family stand when it comes to dining customs such as the Chinese way of sharing dishes, versus the Western way of serving individual plates?
It depends on what we’re eating. For Chinese food we eat family-style, and when we cook Western food we eat individually.
Do you have any preferences when cooking for your children? Which type of food does your child prefer?
Our child is too young for anything but milk, but we both want to discourage picky eating and plan on introducing her to all kinds of different foods and cuisines.
Do you have a family meal together at least once a day? Is this important to your family?
We almost always eat dinner together. As our daughter gets older I plan on enforcing a “no phones” rule at the dinner table.
Who is usually the “Chef” in the family? What’s the go-to dish that the whole family enjoys?
It depends on what style food we’re making, but since it’s more convenient to buy and make Chinese food my husband is the main chef. We like to make fusion foods like “chao pasta,” which is stir-fried Italian pasta with vegetables and chicken or shrimp.
What’s a must-have dish for your family during festive occasions? Why?
Honestly, neither of us seems to care much about traditional holiday foods from either culture.
Are there any anecdotes you can share about the process of getting used to each other’s different diets?
When we started going to the gym and lifting weights together, my husband found it hard to get enough calories and protein eating Chinese food, so he started eating Burger King for lunch every day. It worked, but his sweat reeked of fast food so badly I had to ask him to stop.
To sum it up, what do you think of each other’s respective food cultures?
We both take what we like from each country and ignore the rest, and it works out well for us.
Rachel Bing Layburn is a Chinese Canadian, married to an Englishman. Both are partners in accounting firms, and they’re an active family, who enjoy sports like skiing and swimming. They particularly love traveling, and five-year-old William, who’s a student at Yew Chung International School of Beijing (YCIS Beijing), has already traveled to 24 countries.
Do you both enjoy food from each other’s country? Is there anything about the cuisine of the other culture that you find difficult to enjoy?
My husband thinks the Sichuan hotpot, which happens to be my favorite, is messy… and I can’t stand his comfort food, “baked beans on toast”! I still remember once when we visited Chengdu. While I had a delicious hotpot meal with the local live fish, all he had was a couple of bottles of beer and a cold dish.
Have you tried any particular dishes from your spouse’s country that were challenging? How did you compromise between your different eating habits?
He’s tried hairy crab, although he didn’t finish it as thoroughly as I would do. So sometimes, without letting him know, I’ve picked up the crab legs and eaten them again.
Where does your family stand when it comes to dining customs such as the Chinese way of sharing dishes, versus the Western way of serving individual plates?
Normally we serve Chinese food in the western way, i.e. everyone takes their own portion of rice and dishes onto their own plate, which turns out to be more convenient and takes care of the hygiene issue as well.
Do you have any preferences when cooking for your child? Which type of food does your child prefer?
I cook dumplings and fried rice, and my husband bakes pizza together with our boy, and he seems to enjoy both. I would say William’s favorite food includes both Chinese and western dishes, and he enjoys Japanese food too.
Who is usually the “Chef” in the family? What’s the go-to dish that the whole family enjoys?
Ayi normally does the cooking, but mummy’s self-developed fried rice has been accepted and highly appreciated by the whole family.
Do you have a family meal together at least once a day? Is this important to your family?
We normally have dinner together, and at the dinner table we talk about our day, what pleased us or what upset us during the day… mostly happy things of course.
What’s a must-have dish for your family during festive occasions? Why?
Dumplings for the Chinese New Year, which both my husband and our boy are addicted to. We normally go back to England for Christmas, and turkey is a must-have dish for Christmas in the UK.
Are there any anecdotes you can share about the process of getting used to each other’s different diets?
When my husband first came to China, he couldn’t bear to see a fish or pigeon with its head and tail lying on the plate. Now he loves those. Both of us have been traveling to more than 40 countries and seen cuisines from different cultures, so we’ve become more adaptive and open to accept each other or others’ different diets.
To sum it up, what do you think of each other’s respective food cultures?
Prepare food with love and do what you can do, but don’t try to be perfect!
Photos: Courtesy of Shelby Long and Rachel Bing Layburn
This article appeared on p44-45 of beijingkids December 2017 issue.
