Boys don’t cry. It isn’t just a song by The Cure or a famous film with Hilary Swank. It’s a claim that unfortunately rings true for many of us. For some, it’s a statement we grew up hearing but didn’t think much about, for others maybe it’s something we’ve internalized and come to accept. Men (and boys) clearly do get sad and cry, but as a society we still seem to have trouble truly believing it.
Sadness is something that all humans experience, but when symptoms are extreme and last more than two weeks, this is known as depression. Men and women can both experience it, but the diagnosis occurs more frequently in women. It may be in part because men tend to dismiss symptoms and are less likely to seek medical treatment.
Interestingly, men also seem to experience depression a little differently than women. For them it may be expressed more as anger, irritability, or aggressiveness. Physical symptoms can also occur, things like changes in appetite, difficulty concentrating, feeling extremely tired, as well as problems with sexual desire and performance. These could all be signs of depression. Some men may turn to alcohol and drugs to cope with their symptoms. Suddenly engaging in high risk behaviors could also be a sign.
There are different types of depression, and these can all be diagnosed by a physician. If you feel you may be depressed seek counsel from a trained professional. This is important because different types of depression are treated differently. If you feel your partner or your friend is exhibiting some symptoms of depression consider bringing up the subject in a delicate way. Take any comments about suicide very seriously. Though women attempt suicide more frequently, men are more often successful because they use more lethal methods.
There is a common form of depression aptly called SAD. That stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder. It occurs during the winter months when the nights are longer and colder, and we’re exposed to less sunlight. Sun exposure on our skin helps our body make vitamin D. Vitamin D helps our body absorb calcium, supports healthy immune system function, and is involved in mood regulation. In more northern locations, such as Beijing, it’s important to supplement with Vitamin D during the winter months. A doctor can help you test your levels and see how much you need to supplement. Please note I’m not saying Vitamin D can cure depression. What I am saying is that Vitamin D deficiency may be a factor, since low levels can cause irritability, low mood and a feeling of being unwell.
Maybe we can all change our tune. Let’s say boys do cry and it’s okay. Let’s reach out to a male friend who seems down and out, talk to the boys in our lives about their emotions. Let them know it’s all right to feel sad sometimes, and if the feeling persists, then it’s okay to ask for help. Who knows, it may just be a simple case of needing more Vitamin D.
This article appeared in the beijingkids November 2019 Beijing Baba issue
