Uprooting your life and moving to Beijing is a massive, scary undertaking. For many expats, it requires leaving behind friends, family, and any other sense of comfort or familiarity they know. While the city can be fickle, some transplants not only fall in love with the place, but with the people too. And specifically, one person. In this series, we’ll be talking to folks who have found love in the Capital, and ask them what it was like to meet their soulmate halfway across the globe. If you’d like to share your love story, please email drewpittock@beijing-kids.com
What is your name and your partner’s name?
AJ Donnelly and Nicola Doering.
Where are you from? Where is your partner from?
I’m [AJ] from Bedford and Nic is from the Isle of Sheppey in Kent, both in the UK.
How long have you been together?
We’ve known each other since October 2009, and we’ve been together since April 2010. We got married in August (08.08!) 2017.
Where and how did you meet?
AJ: Funny you should ask! We actually met through theBeijinger classifieds section. It was coming up on the October holidays in 2009, and Nic had no plans, so put out a listing on the tbj website, looking for someone to just hang out with over the holiday. I was kind of single at the time, so figured it would be interesting to meet a foreigner from the classifieds, as opposed to the Chinese girls I’d met before.
Nic: To be honest I didn’t have any expectations at all of meeting anyone through classifieds in Beijing. I’d been on a couple of other dates, including one where the guy was already talking about marriage! So meeting AJ was a pleasant surprise. But although I liked him, he was very intense, and after three dates I’d actually decided not to see him again, at least not romantically. In the new year I wondered if I’d made the decision too hastily and asked him if he wanted to see a movie with me (it was Avatar and it was pretty bad!). But he was like a different person! From then on we started seeing each other regularly.
What was your first date?
AJ: I’m not sure I’d classify it as a date. We met up in Ritan Park, and spent around 3 hours walking around in a circle. We’d both been in China for a long time, so we had plenty of stories to share. It was certainly different from what I’d become used to over the years, and was a refreshing change. But after that, and seeing each other a couple of times, there really wasn’t a spark, so we didn’t see each other again for a while. A few months later though, Nic messaged me and asked if I’d like to see Avatar with her. I figured it was just a friends-hanging-out situation, so asked my mate to join. Fortunately he didn’t want to go, it turned into a real date, and we somehow saw a different side if each other. And now here we are!
At what point did you realize, “this is the one for me”?
AJ: Maybe it sounds cheesy, but I’m not sure if there was ever a time when I thought “I wonder how long this will last?” It was just so natural, so comfortable, so right from the start that I kind of just said to myself, “Yeah, this is where everything else was leading to.”
Nic: I knew right after Avatar! He was so funny and charming!
What do you love about each other?
AJ: Nic is the only person that really gets me, in every way. She just knows what I’m thinking, what I need, what my feelings are in any given situation. But more than that, she complements my existence. Not in an “opposites attract” kind of way, but in a literal yin and yang type of way, in that we bring balance to each other through our differences, while at the same time containing small characteristics of each other within us. When I’m teaching, I always describe taichi, and yin yang, as a dynamic balance, and that is exactly the kind of love Nic and I share, I believe.
Nic: AJ is sweet, thoughtful and loving. We can depend on each other and we complement each other in both our personalities and skills. He loves animals. He makes me question things that I take for granted and see the world in a different way. And he makes me laugh A LOT.
What can you tell us about falling in love in Beijing?
AJ: Is it different to anywhere else? I’m not sure. I’ve only ever been in love here. I would say that the particular challenges that the life and culture of Beijing can bring can cause challenges for your relationship, and stress of the city can translate to pressure on your budding love. But dating, and eventually falling in love, in Beijing can also be a blessing; you and your partner can bond over your shared interest of the life and culture here, and your relationship grows and develops at the same time as your ties to the city. That’s certainly what happened between Nic and I, and our love grows stronger every day we are here.
Nic: I don’t think falling in love in Beijing is different to anywhere else, though that may not be true for everyone. But if I had advice for others, it would be, firstly, give people a chance. I met AJ during a bit of a stressful time for him (but I didn’t know that), and if I hadn’t given him a second chance I would have missed out on the love of my life. So give it several dates before you make a final decision! Secondly, running a company together (which seems quite common amongst couples here) can put a strain on a relationship without doubt. But communication and honesty are crucial and I think that’s one of our strengths. As is being willing to spend a lot of time together!
Photos: Courtesy of AJ Donnelly
