The greatest love story of all time isn’t anything you read in books or watch in movies. The greatest love story is your own. For most of us, finding your soulmate isn’t like in the movies. There’s no romantic encounter where your eyes meet for the first time and you instantly know you’re destined for each other. In the real world, relationships take work and it doesn’t stop after you say “I do”.
Beijing locals call their spouse their laoban’r (老伴儿) which means old other half, a term I personally find adorable. We spoke with a few expat laoban’rs in Beijing who’ve been married for decades to ask them to share a bit of wisdom on the secrets to a long-lasting relationship.
Jenny and Deva Eveland have been married for 13 years.
What’s your secret for a long-lasting relationship?
Give each other time and space to be independent. Once you have a kid, make time for date nights.
Do you have a romantic story you’d like to share with our readers?
In our junior year of college, we both decided to study abroad. We ended up meeting at the same art college in Cardiff, Wales. He then moved back to Idaho and me to Virginia. It was difficult but we made it work. He moved to Virginia, then I moved to Illinois. Since then, we’ve lived in Guadalajara, Mexico, Phnom Penh (Cambodia), and now Beijing.
Jenny and Mikael Karlsson have been married for 22 years. The couple has four kids: Maria (27), Sara (25), Ulrik (20), and Sture (18).
What’s your secret for a long-lasting relationship?
Our secret for a long relationship is to commit fully to the relationship and make sure that, in things that matter, our goals and motivations are the same.
Do you have any advice for new couples?
Make sure that you both develop, and are doing, the life journey together. Share the responsibility as much as possible and continue to do things together outside of the home. Don’t forget what made your partner special when you first met.
Jack and Laura Kriss have been married for 27 years this June! The couple has two daughters (25 and 23). Their youngest daughter will be getting married on June 26.
What’s your secret for a long-lasting relationship?
We have so many, it’s hard to rank their value, but our top four are: friendship underlies our love, communication without expectations and judgment (be honest and open about what you need from the relationship, don’t assume your partner knows), no holding grudges, break routines and keep life exciting.
Blaming is not an answer to relationship problems. Digging deep and discovering how each is contributing to the relationship will bring both an equitable and loving solution.
Take care of yourself and your health. Your happiness directly impacts the relationship.
Do you have a romantic story you’d like to share with our readers?
My wife and I left college, I married and she went to work. My 1st marriage was short, less than 12 months and once I was divorced, I called around our college town to the places Laura worked looking for her. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find her, so gave up and started dating.
Unbeknownst to me, Laura had heard I was divorced and she had started looking for me, but she too was unsuccessful. So she made plans to move from our home state of Colorado back East with a girlfriend.
On her last night of work (a friend had asked her to swap shifts, otherwise she wouldn’t have been there) at a bar/restaurant in Denver, Colorado (she was waitressing to earn funds to leave) I happened to walk into her restaurant with a date (the date had picked our restaurant). It should be noted that I had driven over an hour that evening from where I was living in Colorado to go on this date, so the stars had definitely aligned for us. Anyway, when I walked into the restaurant, we both immediately saw each other and we literally ran at each other and she jumped into my arms. We swung around and kissed and well, I took my aghast date home early, then turned around and went back to the bar to pick up Laura. We haven’t been apart since!
No real-life love story is a fairy tale. We’ve all got out ups and downs and challenges that we must face. Like all Beijing-based families, we’re in this COVID-19 outbreak together and while quarantine is stressful, we’ll come out of this stronger together. Happy Valentine’s Day
Photos: courtesy of the interviewees, unsplash
