Mind the (Sibling Age) Gap: The Pros and Cons of Spacing Pregnancies

From the moment that you hold a child in your arms, you are sold, and just like that, a tiny human captures your heart and takes your breath (and sleep, and money, and sanity) away. Yet almost immediately following childbirth, the questions begin. “So, when is the next one? When are you giving her/him a sibling?” Whether these questions come from your parents, your village or clan, or are even debated amongst relatives you’ve never even met, there is no denying that it’s a hot topic of conversation.

But when is the ideal time to add to your brood? While The World Health Organization recommends spacing pregnancies at least two years apart, there is a huge variety of research and opinions on the subject around the world and only really one thing is clear: there’s no consensus on, nor sufficient data to prove what is best when it comes to birth spacing. Basically, it all comes down to personal preferences and circumstances, as a gap of one year may be ideal for one family and gap of five years for another.

When it came to my own desire of spacing my children, nature, fate, or the Lord laughed at my plans. After a seamless complication-free first pregnancy, and serene natural birth, with no pain relief, I was pumped up, psyched, ready to push out some more kids. When our oldest was almost three years old, we started trying for a second baby. And tried we did, yet we didn’t have our second baby until eight years after the first one.

While I’m aware that an eight-year gap isn’t the norm, this has been a blessing in more ways than one. Our oldest is a very happy big sister, but she is also fully independent and can wash, dress, entertain herself all on her own. I was worried that, because of the big age gap, my children would be less likely to be friends and while they are always going to be at different development stages, They adore each other already and I have no doubt that they will get on just perfectly fine.

Now, the eldest keeps an eye on the baby when I have to quickly go make dinner or do laundry, so now I have a mini baby sitter who can’t wait to become a fully-fledged one when she’s older, and I don’t feel too tired or worn out. Even if the big spacing gap was not done intentionally, I realize now that I also had the time and luxury to get back to being myself between pregnancies, escaping those sleepless nights and diapers for a while.

Here, we look further at the general pros and cons of spacing and the pros and cons of not spacing ( which can be defined as a gap of 18 months or less between siblings).

The Pros and Cons of Spacing Pregnancies

Pros of Spacing

You have more one-on-one time with each child.
With three or more years between siblings, your older child is more likely to help out with the baby (or at least try to).
Hand-me-downs are aplenty! If like me, you kept most of your baby stuff, you will save a ton of money, especially if the kids are the same sex.

Cons of Spacing

With a bigger spacing gap, it may feel like you are starting again from scratch. You might have forgotten the sound of a screaming baby at 4am, and you may be a bit rusty at changing diapers.
The kids may not relate well to each other. While one likes watching Teletubbies on TV, the other might be interested in Minecraft. One may want to go to Disneyland while the other wants those mega rollercoaster rides in Shenzhen.

Pros of Not Spacing

According to popular wisdom, kids born 18 months or less apart are more likely to grow up and become good friends.
Your children will start becoming semi-independent around the same time, giving you a break from the diapers, pacifiers, and waking up twice in the middle of the night, and giving you all more time to yourself when they are both in school or can play together at home with your minimal supervision.

Cons of Not Spacing

You won’t have much time for yourself. Babies are a lot of work and the demands that just one child places on you can leave you fried. Add another, so close after the first one, and your tiredness may end up being tired too.
It can leave your bank account in the lurch. With no possibility to pass down clothes from an older sibling to the new one, you may have to invest in a double stroller, a second crib, new clothes, and other extra baby gear, which can be costly.
When children are close in age, the older one may feel “de-throned”, potentially receiving a blow to their self-esteem. They may start feeling jealous and acting out. Toddlers often already have issues with sharing, which can be amplified when they have to share toys with a new, close-in-age sibling.
Some children have been reported to regress when a new sibling, close in age, arrives experiencing things like sudden potty “accidents” and speech regression. While not a cause for concern, these can be destabilizing for parents.
Doctors usually recommend spacing pregnancies 18 months or more apart because getting pregnant again too soon after the birth of a baby carries some health risks, not only for mothers but to the child too. Putting your body through it again so soon may put you at a higher risk of giving birth prematurely or you may be more likely to develop baby blues.

Did you choose to space your pregnancies out? Why or why not? Share your experiences in the comments!