Newsflash: parenting is a real challenge. Whether you are raising five-year-olds who don’t yet understand anything or teenagers who are going through a rough adolescence, parenting is a full-time job, and a hard one at that. There’s no such thing as a perfect parent, but in my opinion, there are some principles that every parent should follow.
Trust
A child, no matter the age, wants their parents to be somebody they can confide in, somebody they can express their true feelings and sort out their problems with.
Knowing that your child can trust you is a huge accomplishment. If a parent doesn’t succeed at becoming their child’s best friend, things can get pretty difficult, and I’m speaking from personal experience. The child will probably begin to sneak and lie about certain things in hopes that the parent won’t care about what’s really going on. If you, as a parent, continually make promises and fail to keep them, your child will start hiding things from you. And when your kid tells you that something is a secret, they mean it. You should also celebrate the moment because that means they trust you enough to keep the secret. If they send you a video of them singing for example, and specifically tell you not to send it to anybody else, it’s pretty clear they won’t want you posting it on your WeChat Moments.
It’s the same the other way around. If you keep distrusting your child, regardless of whether they’ve given you a reason to or not, they’ll start feeling annoyed and depressed because their own parents don’t even believe them when they say something. Sooner or later, the child will begin to get into more and more trouble which is stressful for everyone. Nobody wants this for their child or family, so being there for your kid and becoming their accountable friend is one of the best things a parent can do.
Room to Grow
Parents have to let their children have space for themselves, and respect their thoughts and privacy, even if they disagree with them. Of course, this rule doesn’t apply if whatever your child is doing or thinking is actually dangerous or harmful, but if parents keep poking their noses into their children’s personal thoughts, then they have a very good reason to tell them that it’s “none of your business.” When it comes to social media, you will probably be able to see everything they post unless they block you. Sometimes they don’t care because they’re just sending pictures of them and their friends having a good time. But on other occasions, they are sending things that they only want their friends to see: personal things. Being an 11-year-old myself, I know that parents tend to ask their children about what they’re posting, why they’re posting it, and lecture about the consequences of the posts. They do that without realizing they’re not respecting their child’s privacy, and that they really are poking their noses into things that don’t concern them. So if you want to have a good relationship with your child, you will need to learn to respect them for their choices and actions.
Right and Wrong
Many parents think that everything they do is for their child’s own good, and most parents support their kids if they think it’s the right thing to do. But then again, different people have different perspectives regarding the meaning of the word ‘right’. The child’s idea of the right thing to do might not be the same as their parents’. Because of this, some parents think they’re supporting the kids and influencing them to do what’s right, but actually they might be stopping their dreams. On the other hand, parents will also often guide their kids in their choices, because they have more experience than us children, and that’s fine because it’s true.
Celebrate the Wins
Whenever your child achieves something, no matter how big or small, don’t hesitate to congratulate them and perhaps even give them presents and rewards. This will make them more determined to achieve even greater things. When your child fails, don’t scold them and make them cry. Instead, comfort them and try to see why they failed, then help them improve so they won’t fail again.
Show Don’t Tell
Most importantly of all, be a good role model for your kids. Lead by example. You should not show kids any bad things they shouldn’t do. For instance, it’s common sense that children are not supposed to fight, but if their parents are fighting in front of them, they will be influenced into thinking that it’s okay, when it’s not. Your kids always look up to you and try to do the things that you do, so setting a good example for your kids is a very important part of being a good parent.
Parenting in the best way possible is very difficult, and it will require a lot of different qualities. This short article is only a stepping stone on being a better parent to your kids, which is just my advice, but I hope that all parents and kids will try to improve themselves so that the entire family can be happy!
KEEP READING: Good News! It’s Finally Acceptable to Curse in Front of your Children
Photos: Unsplash
This article appeared in the beijingkids 2020 August issue
