“Mommy, he’s taking pictures without asking.”
My six-year-old ran to me, said this, pointed to the man, and then quickly returned to his friends. This is exactly what I’d told him to say when he saw it and I was proud. Part of teaching kids how to respect others’ bodies is showing them how to value their own bodily autonomy. When we first arrived in Beijing, I tried to go along with the elders who asked if they could take pictures, but absolutely stepped in between people when they shoved their cameras into my kids’ faces.
I laughed it off and told my kids the reasons behind it. Once in awhile, someone would ask for permission to take their picture and often seemed shocked when I, in turn, asked my kids for their permission. Since then, I’ve taught them to say no for themselves and I am more proactive when it comes to protecting them. I’m not too worried about their pictures ending up on some Taobao advertisement, I just want them to feel comfortable playing without being a spectacle for someone else.
I know what you’re going to say. It isn’t a big deal and we should appreciate their cultural quirks as guests in their country. I tried that, I did. But unwanted attention is unwanted attention, and the last lesson I want to teach my children is that they need to be uncomfortable for the sake of being “nice”.
It might be easy for adults to laugh it off, or smile and bear it for the sake of a cultural custom. But I’ve also had younger family members of the paparazzi apologize and drag their relative away when we asked them to stop. I always appreciate their intervention, but sometimes it doesn’t happen. And that’s when I need to step in, quite literally. I physically put myself in between the photographer and my children. If that doesn’t work, I begin to take pictures myself. I have a whole album called “Pictures of People Taking Pictures of my Kids.” I do nothing with it except try to show people how it feels to go about your business with a phone in your face.
Below are some excellent Mandarin phrases you can learn to help truly get your message across, as first recounted in 2016 on our site. I found these in our archives while searching for something more to say than “bù hǎ,” and a few choice phrases do help the situation.
Don’t let it get to the point where your kid feels uncomfortable.
As English speakers, we may think the world revolves around our language, believing that “no” is universally known, but we are wrong to assume so. Here, we’ve listed a few handy phrases, from polite to not-so-polite, to help you make your message clear when avoiding Chinese paparazzi.
Polite Smiles
No, you can’t. Thank you.
不能，谢谢。Bùnéng, xièxiè.
I don’t like taking photos.
我不喜欢拍照。Wǒ bù xǐhuān pāizhào.
I’m very shy.
我很害羞。Wǒ hěn hàixiū.
Please give way.
请让开。Qǐng ràng kāi.
We are in a hurry.
我们赶时间。Wǒmen gǎn shíjiān.
I can’t speak Chinese.
我不会说中文。Wǒ bù huì shuō zhōngwén.
I don’t understand what you’re saying.
我听不懂你说什么。Wǒ tīng bù dǒng nǐ shuō shénme.
I am not a tourist.
我不是游客。Wǒ bùshì yóukè.
Please don’t take photos of my child.
请不要拍我的小孩。Qǐng bùyào pāi wǒ de xiǎohái.
My child doesn’t like having his/her photo taken.
我的小孩不喜欢照相。Wǒ de xiǎohái bù xǐhuān zhàoxiàng.
Tense Rules
Did you ask for my permission before taking my picture?
你有经过我的同意拍我吗？Nǐ yǒu jīngguò wǒ de tóngyì pāi wǒ ma?
Who said you can take my photo?
谁说你可以拍我？Shéi shuō nǐ kěyǐ pāi wǒ?
Are you secretly taking a photo?
你在偷偷拍照吗？Nǐ zài tōutōu pāizhào ma?
You’re scaring my child!
你吓到我的孩子了！Nǐ xià dào wǒ de háizile!
Can you let us to browse in peace?
你能让我们安静地看吗？Nǐ néng ràng wǒmen ānjìng de kàn ma?
We are leaving.
我们要走了。Wǒmen yào zǒule.
My child is not here for you to photograph.
我的小孩来这不是来给你拍照的。Wǒ de xiǎohái lái zhè bùshì lái gěi nǐ pāizhào de.
Fudges and barnacles
You keep away from me!
你离我远点！Nǐ lí wǒ yuǎn diǎn!
Get out of my sight!
在我眼前消失！Zài wǒ yǎnqián xiāoshī!
If you don’t leave, I’ll call the police.
你再不走，我就报警！Nǐ zàibu zǒu, wǒ jiù bàojǐng!
Stay away from my child!
离我的孩子远点！Lí wǒ de hái zǐ yuǎn diǎn!
A version of this article first appeared on beijingkids in 2016.
KEEP READING: Teach Your Kids About Consent: The Cat in the Hat
Photos: Canva
