For as long as I can remember I’ve always been against hiring a yuesao (月嫂) after giving birth. It’s always been my plan to take care of my newborn baby on my own, without any assistance from extended family or professionals. But, it seems like the first lesson of parenting is that you’ll be dealt curve balls that no one ever prepared for.
I’m not above admitting that I’m wrong, and when it comes to the subject of yuesaos, I was definitely wrong.
Before I hired one, I had an image of an elderly woman from somewhere in rural China shuffling around my apartment trying to force weird TCM herbal mixtures down my throat and making me avoid showers and toothbrushes for a month. There are so many old traditions when it comes to “sitting the month” (yuèzi 月子) that makes a modern girl cringe. No showering for a month? No brushing your teeth? No, thank you!
Following 25 hours of labor (and definitely unplanned infected stitches), I was in no shape to take care of myself, let alone my new baby. But thankfully, my husband had made a contingency plan and interviewed a yuesao just in case. She moved into our apartment the following day and having her around has been a game-changer.
Ms. Xiao with baby Aria
One of my biggest concerns was sanitation. I’m a germaphobe and 2020 has only made me even more conscious about sanitizing everything. Fortunately, our yuesao, Ms. Xiao, is just as big of a germaphobe as me. We got along well the moment she pulled out her own bedding and slippers upon arrival.
Then there’s the privacy issue. I’m wasn’t a fan of having a stranger move into our apartment and having to make small talk when I’m drowning in everything I needed to do. But it wasn’t what I expected at all. Not only did she respect our privacy, but she also helped take care of our daughter during the day and at night, giving my husband and I time to catch our breaths and gather our thoughts. Basically, she kept us from going insane.
And what about the weird yuezi customs that we’ve all heard about? No showering, no brushing teeth, no AC… Well, there was a bit of that. She advised me not to brush my teeth too hard but that was it. As for showering, I was allowed to shower after my stitches healed a bit, but for the first two weeks, I was a milky blob in old PJs.
Everything was made from scratch
The strangest part came when we discussed dietary needs. The Chinese beliefs and western beliefs when it comes to increasing breast milk seem to be polar opposites. In the west, it’s recommended to use ice packs when breasts are sore, but according to Ms. Xiao, the instant cold shock will actually decrease your breast milk supply. Same with food. The main ingredient in any lactation pastry in the west is oatmeal, but according to Mx. Xiao, eating a lot of oatmeal will stop your breast milk supply. How strange!
So what does a yuesao do all day? Well, unlike a regular ayi, she’s technically working 24/7 for the entire time she’s with you. She cooks everything from scratch and in the healthiest way possible. Her meals are balanced and her skill in the kitchen rivals that of most Chinese chefs. Breakfast is ready when we wake up, and she prepares me a snack around 10am, lunch around 12.30pm, another snack around 3pm, dinner around 6pm, and another snack around 7pm. She cleans the apartment and does the laundry. She helps take care of the baby during the day and at night. She passes down her years of experience to us, and it’s been incredibly helpful learning all the newborn baby hacks that she’s collected through the years after caring for 40+ babies under all types of circumstances from twins to premature babies. I watched her bond with my daughter grow as my little one lit up with smiles at her funny faces.
For moms like me who needed medical assistance after giving birth, she acted as my personal nurse. This woman was literally up in my private bits tending to my stitches multiple times a day. She basically served as a new parent’s training floaties instead of letting us jump into the deep end with no way of catching our breath.
The custom of hiring a yuesao after delivery isn’t an old tradition in China, but this new industry has truly made parenting that much easier.
Previously I had made snarky comments about how if people in other countries are able to care for their newborns on their own, what makes babies born in Beijing so high maintenance? Well, I was seriously mistaken. It’s not about being high maintenance. Sometimes, it’s about maintaining your physical and mental health. If your family isn’t here to help, then hiring a professional is the next best thing. There’s no need to try to be a super mom and do everything on your own. When you need help, the responsible thing to do is to seek it out – any way possible.
We took Ms. Xiao out for a final farewell dinner
Want to find yourself a yuesao? Companies like Mumway (好孕妈妈) has access to hundreds of yuesaos in the city and hold meet and greets every weekend where you can interview them in person. Most yuesaos only speak Chinese, but there are many who speak basic English.
KEEP READING: Helping Hands: How to hire an ayi (and other help)
Photos: Mina Yan
