Once Upon a Time… We asked students to come up with their own Beijing adaptation of their favorite childhood fairy tales. Thank you to all the students who have submitted their work. We’ll be publishing them online and selecting the best story that fits all the criteria to be included in the upcoming issue of Jingkids.
Snow White and The Seven Dwarves (With a Twist)
By: Olivia Li (age 11)
Not so long time ago, we all knew a ridiculously normal tale called Snow White which is about a perfectly ordinary human being that lives in a world where she lost her own mother and lives with her dad and an evil stepmother who is desperately mad because somehow her magic mirror told her that Snow White is more bootaful than her. And she was not letting her win what I call a ‘beauty pageant’ so she decided to have her poisoned and blah, blah, blah. Boring stuff.
But today, you are lucky enough to have me to tell you a more savage, more murder-like version. Well, here goes…
Twice upon a time, there was a spoiled and greedy little brat named Snow White. Her poor father spent ages trying to make her happy by buying her expensive designer clothes, Louis Vuitton bags, Starbucks matcha frappes (with extra whipped cream and sprinkles), and millions of iPhone 12s. But Snow White never stopped asking for more and more things. The person who struggled the most was her not-so-evil stepmother. She was forced to wash Snow Whites’s dirty undies every day, make crème pies with Snow White’s face on them, and clean Snow White’s enormously gigantic room every two hours. So finally, she and Snow White’s dad agreed to set her in a forest to get some peace. They’ve tried hard to convince her but —
“No! Who would go to a moldy forest when I could go buy more Louis Vuittons!?” screamed Snow White.
“Please! Just for one hour!” begged the stepmother.
“Daddy! This maniac has kidnapped me! She wants to break into my Hello Kitty bank and steal my money to buy all the merch at the Korean concert! Waaaah!”
That night, Snow White snuggled up in her blankie and fell asleep, but what she didn’t realize was that a group of dwarves were spying on her. Their names were Grumpy, Dopey, Doc, Happy, Bashful, Sleepy, and Sneezy.
“I heard that she has been a very naughty young lady, disobeying her parents,” one said.
“Your right, you know that her poor parents spent hours cleaning up after her ever since she was born.”
“You two chocolate chip muffins! That lady is not her real mum, her actual real mum died years ago because she got electrocuted whilst playing Xbox Mario Kart 2.”
“You dingbat dodo! Firstly, her real mum died of childbirth, which means that after she had her kid, she died, and next, that lady is her stepmother, which means that her father got-”
“Well, Mr. Smarty Pants, I’m sorry to interrupt your five-million-year-long lecture, but I don’t understand why we are here. I’m freezing, and I’ve got a hot pan of soup on the stove, it’s probably burning down our house now.”
“Oh my, everybody quickly! Charge!” said Doc. And then they left.
A few minutes later, they returned back, all a bit dizzy.
“You Ratsnitchit! You burnt our beautiful cottage made from cottage cheese! You evil cow!”
“At least I’ve got my delicious pan of tomato soup and thanks to the burn, it’s now coated with warm cottage cheese”
“Daddy! Daddy! There’s poisonous cheese outside my window! Waaah! And they’re walking and talking! Help!”, yelled Snow White. Her dad rushed in, holding a lacrosse racket from his kindergarten, and then her stepmother came in sleepily, bumping into her Snow White whilst holding onto a slightly wonky fishing net.
“How rude! Why did you bump into me?! You ought to buy me a hundred Louis Vuittons!”
“Oh, I do apologize for bumping into your face, but I will not be buying you one hundred Louis Vuitton bags, understood?”
“No?” asked Snow White, slightly terrified and offended. Her stepmother looked and felt as pleased as if she had trained a lion to use the human potty.
“But….” began Snow White, she was very terrified and even more offended. No-one had ever spoken to her like this before. Suddenly, she squealed and smirked.
“What’s wrong?” her stepmother asked.
“Nothing much.” Snow White hopped away, into her room. She was planning to go somewhere…
She already packed earlier, a camouflaged cape, her phone (fully charged which can last about 10 days), a hairbrush, her Ms. Piggy PJ’s, an apple, plenty of oat bars, fifty cans of canned beans, pens, a couple of note pads, poker cards, rubbing alcohol spray, a fork, an iPad, lucky charms (for luck), an eye mask, 100 packs of hand and body warmers, Miss. Suzy (her pet piglet), hay and pig treats, a lot of water, a blanket and pillows, a small tent, and a pocket knife. She did not bother to bring her toothbrush because who needs to brush their teeth when you’ve got a bag crammed with sweets and goodies? She quickly grabbed her bank full of millions of RMBs and skipped into the forest, carrying her backpack on her back, Miss. Suzy in a designer case in one of her hands, and a flashlight with fresh batteries in the other. She soon found the dwarves in the heart of the forest, building another cottage cheese cottage and decided to pitch her tent and spy on them. It was already getting dark, so she opened one can of canned beans and sat in her tent to eat. She loved that the canned beans have a slight taste of tomatoes, and she also gave Miss. Suzy some dinner. And then, they fell asleep. The next morning Snow White had planned to sneak into the cottage, so she quietly jumped in with her pig and got in. Suddenly, someone got her…
Okie Dokie, where are we, ah yes. Snow White froze. She felt cold and dusty fingers crawling around her, she didn’t dare to turn around, she just froze, as still as a statue.
“Welly well, who do we have here? Little Snow White huh?” said a mysterious voice. Snow White couldn’t talk. She just wanted to run back to her house, back to her room, back to her family. The mysterious figure smiled the creepiest smile. Suddenly, the dust caught her nose and she achooed, shooting something out onto the bony fingers.
“Of course, if your parents have been teaching you manners, you would have used a hankie,” Mumbled the figure, wiping the bloody snot off its fingers with a yellow duck hankie. Snow White felt slightly annoyed.
“Who are you?” demanded Snow White, crossly.
“I am a professional kid hunter. I hunt kids that won’t listen to their parents and get themselves lost in the woods.”
“I am not a kid. I am eight years old and I’m a grown up now, technically 24 years old, a tweenager,” blabbed out Snow White without thinking.
“Oh, I see,” answered the figure, confused. “And I am the amazing kid hunter um, uh, well…TIREDOFHERKIDSNOWWHITE’SBEHAVIOUR! Uh, in other words, uh step mommy?!” Snow White realised that kid hunter sounded just like her stepmother, and she was ready to rip her wig off to reveal her face even though she had no idea why is she doing it, but she did it anyway.
“Hands off the wig, you!” But it was too late. Snow White had really heavy hands and whilst she yanked the wig off, she also pulled down most of the actual hair. Now we end with a bald stepmother and Snow White who is dead ferocious. Now, do you like my jazzy new version written today, or would you prefer the old classic version? Maybe an even more savage version is coming out in a few years…… hmmmm.
THE END
Olivia Li is an 11 years and 5 months old girl from Beijing but spent her early years mainly in Scotland. She’s currently a Year 6 student at Harrow Beijing. Li’s hobbies include acting, horse riding, reading, looking after her pets (two cats, one dog, nine fish, and one dead mosquito that has been stuck on her bookshelf for a year), adult-sitting, shopping, collecting blind box figures, drawing, fishing, exploring and decorating her room.
Images: Pexels
