“Yuck, no! It’s touching! I DON’T LIKE THAT!!!!!!!” For all too many parents, this is their mealtime soundtrack. Most kids go thru a picky phase (or three) and parents desperate to make sure their growing little one gets the nutrition they need start to view the dinner table as a battleground. So how do you win the war?
Start by understanding what causes picky eating. There are physiological influences. Taste buds are growing and evolving rapidly in your child every 7-14 days depending on where they are in their growth cycle. That means a food they loved yesterday might literally taste awful to them today and vice versa. There are also psychological influences at play. If the last time they ate broccoli they had an upset tummy afterward they might associate the bad feeling with the food itself. Last but not least is the control factor. Part of a child’s learning process is making choices and learning to exert control over their body and environment. We make most of the decisions for our young children. Food is the exception to that. We can guide their food choices, but what they are willing to chew and swallow is one of the few things they are solely in charge of. So in a world where they have no control, they subconsciously decide to control what they can. Because of this, you may find picky eating returns when there has been a major change in the family, like relocation or a new sibling for example.
The good news? Generally, it’s a phase that will pass on its own, and in the meantime, there are some tactics savvy parents can use to make meals less stressful for everyone.
Don’t Push: You can’t MAKE them eat it. So instead set a good example by enjoying your own food. Point out the people in their lives who also eat good food. “Uncle Jason is eating all his broccoli, that must be why he is so strong.” This will help plant the seeds for trying the food next time.
One Family One Meal: Eat together when you can and resist the urge to make a separate kids meal. This is what we are eating tonight, if you aren’t hungry that’s ok. You don’t need to eat it but this is what we have for dinner. That doesn’t mean you don’t serve things they like, in fact…
Include Them in the Planning Process: Let them help you create the menu and do the shopping. Rather than giving them cart blanche (you will end up always eating fish sticks, mashed potatoes, and cupcakes if you do) give them choices. “Should we have chicken or fish tonight? Good choice! We need a yummy vegetable too. Should we have corn, broccoli, or tomatoes?” Just giving them an option, even a limited one, will often short circuit the control factor.
If They Cook It, They Will Eat It (Usually): Most kids are justifiably proud of what they make and cooking is no exception. They will likely at least try something they got to help cook. Bonus: You are giving them an active role in caring for their family and teaching them that food does not magically appear. Someone had to put love and effort into making it.
Variety and Repetition: Offer several different foods at each meal, one or two you know they enjoy and one or two that are new. They are more likely to eat at least a few things of nutritional value that way and the association of the new with the familiar might make them feel safer trying something novel. If they don’t try it the first time that’s OK. Many children need to see a food several times before they will taste it. So just put spinach into the rotation every few days and let them see you consume it happily. Eventually, they will give it a shot.
They Will Eat When They Are Hungry: It’s old advice but it’s sage. It goes against our biological instinct to starve so most kids will eat what’s in front of them if they are truly hungry. If your child consistently refuses to eat at dinner try cutting out snacking two hours before the meal.
No “Prize Foods”: I am not opposed to the occasional bribe if it helps you get thru your day. Heaven knows a little iPad time in exchange for 30 minutes of quiet, so you can meet a work deadline is occasionally necessary. But in my opinion food bribery (if you eat your peas I will give you ice cream) can set some difficult precedents. Eating healthy food shouldn’t be a chore and enjoying sweets occasionally isn’t a reward, these things should be a natural, enjoyable part of a happy life and a healthy relationship with food. Setting up foods as good or bad could have negative effects for some children down the line like emotional binging or overly strict dieting.
If You Can Eat Out Once in a While: Sometimes a change of scenery is enough to focus your child on something other than what is on their plate. Something as simple as a picnic can provide a positive new environment. It’s also an opportunity for them to choose the food they are comfortable with while watching you and their sibs experiment and enjoy something different. Ask other members of the family if you can try a bite of their food and then make a point of saying how good it is, you are glad you tried something new! Your picky eater might just ask to try it too. (note, this will probably only work if it is their idea so don’t offer, let them to ask).
If you need recommendations on family-friendly restaurants in Beijing feel free to join our WeChat group: FamilyFriendlyEats. Add WeChat ID CindytheScribe to join.
As always these are general guidelines. If you suspect there are underlying health issues tied to your child’s picky eating or you are noticing lethargy and a general disinterest in the food you should consult your pediatrician. But the vast majority of picky eating is short-lived and nothing to be overly concerned about.
KEEP READING: Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner! Tips on Family Dining in Beijing
Image: Unsplash
