There are a ton of blogs and ideas for how to prepare your kids to relocate, but what do you do when they were so young during the initial move that they don’t remember your home country? Maybe they remember some people because you’ve done a great job at keeping up video calls with your family. Maybe they know the story of that photo from your home country because you’ve talked about it in front of them.
But maybe when someone asks your child where they’re from, they say, “Beijing.”
It makes sense. They might have moved here when they were so small that any details of their long-term memories from their home country were overwhelmed by the huge change of arrival in a different country.
So what can you do to help your child with the transition back to your home country?
- Treat it like another adventurous relocation. It’s still new to them, after all. You probably had maps and books and colorful guides to Beijing and China before you moved, so do the same thing for your next destination. Even if you know what to expect, acquaint your child with the good parts of their new home that you can travel to safely, the places you used to love, and the places you are interested in seeing again. It’s all bittersweet, so stick to the sweet for a bit.
- Stay connected to their friends in Beijing. I find the easiest way to do this is to have a weekly or monthly “drop-in” time when you connect to anyone they want to stay in touch with. Kids won’t usually need to talk for too long, so don’t worry if they’re done talking after 5 minutes. Online gaming (safely) is a great way to stay connected to friends as well, as is a weekly LEGO build club.
- Visit your nearest Chinatown or at least order from a nearby Chinese restaurant weekly. There’s nothing like the sense of taste to immediately bring back memories and feelings from your time in China. Have a regular dumpling night, or try some of the great recipes shared by Jingkids.
- Celebrate the holidays. You may not want to either completely drop every single Chinese holiday, or keep all the holidays from two cultures simultaneously as I did, but keep the New Year traditions, and use Golden Week as a great excuse to eat moon cakes, or to send your buddies in Beijing a little note.
- Keep up the language, if even the smallest bit. Numbers are an easy way, but just because you leave doesn’t mean you have to drop all your favorite phrases. I was talking with a mom who had repatriated from Shanghai about what it’s like to move back home, and she confessed that she had thought her girls had lost all their Mandarin. They then proceeded to chat with a nearby Chinese woman in the park, fully holding their own in the conversation. Young minds are amazing that way!
- Hang up precious moments and gifts from your time in Beijing. Maybe give your precious gifts their own corner, or choose a photo that captures a favorite memory and enlarge it, and frame it in their rooms. Keep that Year of the Rat stuffy, COVID-19 be damned, and have a special place where your child can hoard any spare change or RMB you find.
- Be honest about the different ways that different countries handled the coronavirus. We started this last winter/spring when we were stranded in Florida, and it really helped all of us to be open and honest. Some countries have not handled the pandemic well, and that is one major way in which your new life may be incredibly different in your home country compared to China. You might not want to dwell on it before you move back, but it’s certainly a conversation to consider having.
- Face your own fears. Moving doesn’t have to be an all-happy or all-miserable endgame. It’s okay to have your own feelings about it and to choose what to share with the kids. But let them know it is okay to have mixed feelings or to miss their old friends and old home, even if they enjoy this new one. Watch Pixar’s “Inside Out” if you need help with that. It’ll work a treat for opening up the conversation!
- Let them know that it feels different to you, too. Maybe a different parent is working in your home country. Maybe the hours are different, or everyone’s home at once. Maybe you miss the view from your apartment here but you appreciate the grassier areas at the place you are moving to. Maybe you’re grateful for milder weather, but would still just kill to be able to walk down your street and try something new from a vendor.
Whatever it is, you can stress how no matter where in the world you may roam, your family is together or working towards the best life for everyone. Your child’s friends will sometimes keep in touch and sometimes lose the thread, but memories will survive. Telling stories to new and old friends, sharing your knowledge of the Great Wall or a Chinese song with grandparents — these are all ways to keep a strong memory of your time in Beijing, while still building a new life together.
And isn’t that what home really means, anyway? For some, it’s a place, for others a feeling. For kids, it’s where their family is together and they are loved. Hold onto that and keep your WeChat account, and you’ll never be too far from your friends here.
KEEP READING: The Expat Parent: How to Clutter Clear When You’re Moving Away
Images: Cindy Marie Jenkins, Canva
