Some people are not meant to be teachers. I know this because I have interviewed them. A lot of them. Anyone who’s worked in a managerial position has seen some wild stuff. Generally speaking, people at least attempt to hide their own special brand of quirkiness until after they are hired, but sometimes (more often than you would expect) they put it all on display in the interview room.
Here is a collection of the zaniest, strangest, most “They said what?!” moments I have collected over the years. Some are personal experiences and some are war stories exchanged over cocktails with fellow administrators. All are true and the names and locations have been changed to protect the ridiculous. I hope they make you laugh and feel a little more confident going into interview season. Because you would never do anything like this…right?
Ms. Clueless: Our new facility was under construction and I had to hire an entirely new team before it was completed. I was giving candidates tours of the construction site, but the actual interviews were being conducted over a table in the restaurant next door.
I was on my seventh interview that day. It was before the dinner rush, so I was the only person in the place, save for a few napping servers in the back. My interviewee arrived ten minutes late, looking very frazzled. I got her a glass of water and offered to give her a few minutes to collect herself, but she insisted we start. I decided to throw her a softball question, so she could ease into it.
“Tell me why you wanted to become a teacher?” I asked. At the top of her lungs, she yelled, “This job is for a TEACHER?!”
Mr. Anti-Social: I work with small children. Very small children. I love them with all my heart, but they are clingy, needy, leaky little Petri dishes. That means I get touched all day by messy hands and have runny noses constantly wiped on me. A child has sneezed directly into my open mouth on more than one occasion. It’s fine because they are so freaking cute, and also because I now have the immune system of a minor deity. But it is generally understood that this sort of thing is part and parcel of working with preschoolers. So imagine my surprise when I went to shake a candidate’s hand and he gasped, backed away, and said, “I never touch people.”
This might fly and actually be admirable in a higher education setting, but preschool?
Best worst answer ever:
Interviewer: “What’s the most frustrating thing about working with kids?”
Candidate: “Sometimes they play with your boobs.”
Instant Karma: I had an early morning interview for a new teacher and was going to stop and pick up a cup of coffee on my way in. As I was about to pull into the last parking space, another car bolted in front of me and into the spot, nearly causing a collision. A young woman got out of the car, and as she did so, gave me a smile and said in the nastiest way possible, “Sorry not sorry!” I found a drive-through and headed to work. Twenty minutes later, into my office walks the same young woman. Her first words…
“Didn’t I just steal your parking spot?”
Why, yes. Yes, you did…
Having a bad day: I was in a WeChat pre-interview conversation with a potential candidate who seemed a little overqualified for a teaching position. He kept referencing his management experience, so I gently pointed out that I currently didn’t have any administrative positions open. I was looking for teachers, but there might be potential for growth in the future. He responded with, “I bleeping know that! But someone can’t manage ten other teachers and work with hundreds of bleeping kids if they aren’t a good teacher!”
I was shocked. I told him I was just trying to make sure the position was clear. I didn’t want to waste his time if he wasn’t interested in a teaching position, and I also didn’t appreciate being cursed at. I wished him the best of luck and was about to unfriend him when he responded, “Sorry, I’m just really bleeping stressed right now!”
Working the System: I once had a candidate who was incredibly qualified on paper, only to show up in ripped jeans, headphones on her ears, and a mouthful of chewing gum. I shook her hand, she sat down, and I asked her to turn off her music so we could talk.
Ms. Cool: “We don’t have to do this.”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
MC: “You don’t have to actually interview me.”
Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”
MC: “I just came to prove to unemployment that I’m looking.”
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