Our expat community thrives on connection, and here at Jingkids, we’re all about our readers, what they need and want in order to maximize their time here in Beijing. Every Monday, we’re going to feature a prominent member of our expat community and get to know them a little bit better.
Charlene Ng is a life coach, passionate about helping teens and adults cope with stress so that they can feel calmer, happier, and ultimately succeed in all they do. She grew up in Hong Kong, went to boarding school in the US, and later graduated with distinction from Stanford University with a degree in psychology. In 2005, she moved to China to build teams at several internet companies such as Google and Alibaba. Currently, she lives in Beijing with her husband and 7-year-old son.
What’s on your mind?
At the moment, it’s getting through the rest of the summer! It is the most stressful time of the year as I feel responsible for arranging activities for my kid to keep him entertained. At the beginning of this summer, however, I chose a mantra – “Boring is Good.” My focus has been to slow down and spend quality time together instead of shuffling him from one activity to another.
For sure, it’s still exhausting, but I’ve learned to rest or work by telling my kid without guilt, “I need some space.” I’ve also learned to trust my kid more. When I mentioned the stress of arranging activities for him during vacation, perplexed by why I felt responsible, my kid said, “I can arrange my own activities and playdates!” I gave him a big hug for reminding me.
I’m also giving a workshop for teens on managing stress with mindful self-compassion before the school year starts. Teens are under immense stress nowadays, and they often criticize themselves harshly to improve or motivate themselves, which creates even more stress. But science tells us being kind to ourselves is a much better way to motivate ourselves and succeed. I’m really excited to share tools that teens could apply immediately in their daily lives to reduce stress and increase joy.
What’s your motivation to get moving?
Like many, I’ve developed a harsh inner critic since young in order to push myself to achieve – setting high expectations for myself and beating myself up when I am “lazy” or make mistakes. The inner critic might have been helpful at times but it came at a cost. Deep down, I’ve felt I’m not enough; not good enough, not smart enough, not efficient enough, etc. Focused on my flaws, I’ve struggled with self-doubts and fear of failure.
Since practicing mindful self-compassion, I’ve learned to be kinder to myself, and my life changed dramatically. Being kind to myself doesn’t make me lazy or self-indulgent. Now, I boost my motivation by being nice to myself:
- When things get tough, instead of brushing off the difficulty (it’s not that bad), I take a pause to acknowledge it (this is really difficult or this sucks) and feel a renewed energy.
- My inner critic became my cheerleader. When I’m about to do another round of burpees, my inner cheerleader goes, Look at what you’ve achieved. You can do it.
- Asking myself “What do I need” is an act of kindness. I can provide myself with what I need or ask others like my husband for support (I need understanding).
How do you stay sane in all the madness?
A few years ago, I stumbled upon the Beijing Mindfulness Centre, a hidden gem in the hutongs, founded by Dalida Turkovic. Since then it’s been my safe haven to uncover self-sabotaging habits, to heal old wounds of not feeling good enough, and to fill up my gas tank. The camaraderie of the mindfulness community reminds me that I’m not the only one who struggles. As a result of regular practices, very naturally and without much effort, I’ve become a lot more resilient when facing life challenges.
In addition, keeping a sense of humor in life is something I’m learning from my husband and son who are both masters in this area. For example, Monday morning cleaning tends to be the most stressful time for me. My husband sends me messages that remind me of their true nature.
And lastly, making time to play is key as we adults tend to forget about it. Last fall, I’ve taken up swing and blues dancing. And luckily in Beijing, there’re dance events happening every day of the week for me to have fun. See you on the dance floor!
Is there someone that you believe deserves recognition for their outstanding contributions to our community? Nominate them for our weekly spotlight by writing their name in the comments below!
KEEP READING: “My Wife Keeps Me Safe, Sound, Sane and Stable” – AJ Donnelly, Cultural Keys
Images: Courtesy of Charlene Ng
