Ah…we all have that one friend; trustworthy, wise, empathetic, great at listening and dispensing advice. You know, the therapist friend. We all have one, and for some of us, we may even be one. And yet, to put it bluntly, in a friend-therapist friend relationship, the benefits are entirely one-sided. It has to be said that being the “therapist friend” is extremely problematic, exhausting, and can be all-around damaging.
Many might agree that it is more convenient to confide in a close friend than a therapist. Friends are supposed to have your back, they desire the best for you, and will most likely give the kind of advice you yearn to hear. Not to mention, conversing with a friend is completely free! However, this creates a unique level of pressure, responsibility, and burden for that friend. At times – depending on the severity of the situation – these “duties” move beyond the normal expectations we place on a friendship. Sure, talking to a friend may be free, but only through working with a professional are we able to develop the cognitive and emotional skills necessary to navigate life. Still, this doesn’t mean we should belittle the struggles and urgent need for emotional support, suffered by those battling mental health issues.
Many of us view therapy as simply having vulnerable conversations, and receiving a bit of advice here and there. These, of course, are aspects of attending therapy. However, there are also some defining differences, that once identified, make clear why therapy is worth the investment.
Therapy is much more than a safe haven to vent your frustrations with a person paid to help you unpack your feelings. Therapists go through years of training to attain the skills needed to help their clients work through personal struggles. They are able to remain unbiased, objective, and non-judgemental. Speaking with a therapist eliminates the feeling of guilt (no need to worry about reciprocating!). With a therapist, you can feel free to share your deepest troubles and be assured of their confidentiality. Not to mention, you can freely express disagreements and conflicts, unlike with friends, where you may stress about hurting or straining your relationship.
Sometimes, we’re lucky enough to have friends who are adept at reading us. They anticipate our needs and always turn up with precisely what we need to hear at any given moment. They are intuitive and have a tendency to point out patterns we fail to notice ourselves. They effortlessly make us feel comfortable, seen, empowered, and encouraged. It’s completely normal to vent frustrations to friends, talk about one another’s feelings, struggles, and thoughts. However, this doesn’t mean that they should assume the role of “therapist.” It can become problematic and draining when only one friend does the listening. In fact, qualified therapists are required to speak with therapists themselves, giving them an outlet to release any lingering stress from having such a heavy and emotionally taxing job.
A note to the “Therapy Friends”
Be there for your friends, but don’t forget about yourself!Being able to see through problems so easily and come up with brilliant advice can be incredibly stressful right? It’s tough having to bear this unique ability bestowed by the relationship gods.
Being that friend can get overwhelming. A wheel of emotions thrown at you, complaints from multiple sides, it can get quite draining absorbing them all. The worst is when they don’t seem to take your suggestions, and the mistake repeats itself. Your gift to empathize and empower your friends is one of the many reasons they confide in you, and of course, there’s nothing wrong with that! It’s an amazing feeling to have people trust you with their dilemmas and seek your opinion. However, it is important for you not to internalize this duty too much. Always pulling yourself together just enough to continue helping others. You are somehow able to give great advice to your friends, but when it comes to you, you are left lost. You adopt a mindset of self-reliance and feel there is no one you can confide in other than yourself. But really, all you need is someone to listen and advise you! It’s natural and okay to feel down, even if you are the one everyone counts on for positivity. I encourage you to try communicating your own problems with your friends, so they can know your needs and be there for you the same way you are there for them.
This article appeared in the jingkids 2021 July-August issue
