We talk a lot about gratitude, especially around this time of the year. But counting our blessings isn’t just about good manners. It’s also about good health. A recent study at UC Berkley found that teens whose parents describe them as “grateful” receive higher grades, report more meaningful social connections, are twice as likely to consistently volunteer in their communities, and show lower rates of depression and illicit drug use.
Here in Beijing, we are particularly blessed. Most of us are able to give our kids access to the best schools, endless extracurricular opportunities, broad and diverse communities, world-class healthcare, and so much more. That’s amazing. But we also need to give them a sense of appreciation, because what’s the point of having all of that if you don’t even realize you have it?
Here are a few ways to start working gratitude into your every day.
Say it: Or write it, or record it. Shawn Achor studies happiness at Harvard (watch the TedTalk!). One of the things he found in his research is that reliving one positive experience from the day not only boosts your happiness and sense of well-being, but it actually starts to rewire your brain to look for things to be grateful for! So make it a habit. At dinner have everyone say one thing they are grateful for, keep a gratitude journal, or have them record a video or TikTok or Snap (or snipe or woo hoo or whatever the kids are using these days)!
Give them chores: Part of gratitude is realizing the time and effort that went into creating the life you enjoy. Dinner didn’t magically appear on the table and there is no house-elf making the beds and emptying the trash. Their comfort is directly linked to someone’s hard work. So even if it’s simply clearing the dinner table or making their own bed on the weekends, have them be at least partially responsible for keeping their world clean and operating efficiently. Not only will you be boosting their IQ but you will be helping them build life skills… ‘cause ayi isn’t going with them to college.
Identify their strengths: And then help them use them for good. Gratitude isn’t a passive habit. It’s actively using the things you are blessed with. Are they particularly strong or smart? Good at cooking or knitting? Help them discover their inherent talents and then find ways to put them to use. Great soccer player? They can help coach little league once a week. Maybe they are great with animals, well the shelter needs people to walk the dogs. And, once again, gratitude is really giving back to yourself because by acting on it they are building skills and resumes.
Thank you notes: It’s so incredibly simple! Just say thank you. If they receive a gift they should send a note. It’s an acknowledgment that someone put time and energy into them. If you want to challenge them beyond the gift-giving realm, ask them to write a gratitude letter to someone in their life. The best friend who is always there for them or the teacher who took a little extra time. Thank you notes aren’t really about the gift. They are about seeing the gift giver.
Can’t be grateful if you are not mindful: Gratitude, at its core, is being present and aware enough to truly see your life. It doesn’t require hours of meditation or long seminars. It just requires taking a moment to look around and identify the things, big and small, that make your life better.
Be the change you want to see: It’s a cliché because it’s true. If you want your children to be mindful, grateful, caring members of society, then model that. Put down the phone and let them see you truly interact with your friends, let them hear you give genuine compliments that recognize other people, and see you actively step up to help in your community. Voice your gratitude for their work and make it a point to thank the stranger who holds the door and the waitress who brought an extra napkin. Believe it or not, even your moody teenager secretly wants to be just like you.
As we head into this season of family and community, I hope you can find a few moments to take in all you have and express your thankfulness to the people in your life. I hope it gives your entire family a brighter, happier outlook and a new attitude. Happy Thanksgiving!
KEEP READING: Beijing Gratitude List
Images: Pexels
