Is kneeling down before your parents a sign of respect or shame?
Recently, a photo of a woman demanding that her 7-year-old kneel in front of her on a crowded subway of Beijing’s Line 7 went viral. Seemingly without guilt or embarrassment, the lady pinched her child’s face so forcefully that even his mask fell off. She then dropped her son’s school bag on the ground and demanded that he kneel before her for nearly the length of an entire station.
One commuter attempted to intervene but quickly gave up on the idea when the woman angrily told her to mind her own business. “I can do whatever I want with my kids!” the woman said.
In Chinese culture, “kneeling down” has traditionally been a way of showing respect to elders, however, such an act has drawn opposing views among netizens who see the practice as nothing more than a way for parents to manipulate their kids into submission.
“I have no idea what the boy has done, but kids today have big egos. It just doesn’t feel right to order your kids to kneel down in public,” said one commenter. “Why do parents even do such things to their own kids? They are individuals who have their own train of thoughts. Parents should not treat children like they are their own properties,” another said.
Some people are worried that such behavior might negatively impact a child’s early development. “It might take an entire life for children to get over the humiliation and shame they experienced. Some kids are confident, while others are insecure, and it really has a lot to do with the way they were raised when they were little,” argued one netizen.
“Every kid is different. As parents, I feel like we need to treat them as individuals to help them reach their full potential. Some kids might be ok with parents being a little strict with them, while others might not. The bottom line is not to physically abuse your child!” says Michael Gao, a Beijing dad with an 8-year-old.
In China, physical punishment had long been viewed as an acceptable way for parents to force their kids to behave. It stems from a mentality held by older generations that believes kids will be “spoiled if you spare the rod.” But in modern society, such behavior is increasingly frowned upon and many are beginning to criticize the harm it may inflict on kids. In fact, China even launched a new family law earlier this year that focuses on guiding people to become better parents. In short, many forms of child abuse are now forbidden and the judiciary can intervene if parents fail to comply.
However, there are still those who believe that parents shouldn’t feel guilty about lighter punishments. “I have spanked my kid before when they act out occasionally. I don’t think there is anything wrong as long as it’s a gentle swat and not physical violence,” one said.
Another Beijing parent, Marie Wirsing tells Jingkids, “I would occasionally yell at my kid. But ordering your kid to kneel down is a behavior that will cause irreversible damage to their development. It seems like the kid is already used to it, and I can only imagine how much efforts it will take for the kid to erase such bad memories.”
The question remains though: Is physical punishment the most effective way to change a child’s unwanted behavior? To what extent should parents punish their children without damaging their dignity? Let us know in the comments.
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Images: Irene Li
