No matter your parent philosophies, we all want to raise our kids to be independent and self-sufficient people. I’ve always been impressed by documentaries that show how kids as young as 5 in Tokyo were entrusted by their parents to get groceries from the store by themselves. The kids would even have to take the subway or bus in some cases. It’s a far cry from the bubble of privilege our expat existence enjoys here in Beijing, where the school bus ayi refuses to let my child off the bus to walk the 50 steps distance to the building entrance by himself.
So I began to question, how capable is my 7-year-old at basic life skills such as crossing the road? I came up with a challenge, to get him to go to the market across the street to buy a capsicum, which we happened to need for dinner that night. The caveat was that I would follow him this first time at least, but I would not say anything unless he put himself or others in danger.
Let’s find out how he did…
We asked some parents how they felt about letting their kids wander outside of their homes on their own and here are some responses we received.
“The kids are allowed to roam freely in the compound. I used to send my 6-year-old to the market inside our compound to buy fruit. They did their first walk to the supermarket by themselves aged 10, 9, and 7, together as a group,” Rebecca Archer, resident in Noble Mansion, Haidian.
Jackie Park, the mother of a 6- and 8-year-old who lives in Sanyuanqiao, agrees, “We’re also okay with letting kids play in the compound to go to classes on their own, and to the little mart, or even to restaurants. But we don’t let them cross the street on their own.”
The general consensus was that it was acceptable for the kids to roam within the residences, especially as a group with older siblings. What was stopping them from going further was the local traffic conditions. As one anonymous parent put it, “We’re living in one of the most densely populated cities in the world, and accidents happen all the time, whether reported or otherwise.”
AJ flatly said that he would not allow his kids to go outside of their residence because of, “Simply put, the state of drivers who show little consideration for pedestrians and others.” But even he recognized that “he would have to do it by himself at some point…”
Josie Latham added another layer to the discourse, “It’s also about personality and depends on how sensible the kid is. My older one is naturally more cautious although sometimes absent-minded while the younger one is a total thrill seeker speed demon…!”
Aside from the traffic concerns, Archer also said that while she was not at all worried about kidnapping, she has taken precautions to “drill into her kids a lot about tricky people and situations where adults could lure kids. They’re not allowed to go into any neighbors’ houses or yards unless they check with me first.”
At the same time, we mustn’t overlook our children’s personal choices in the matter. Sharee Hebert’s 9-year-old daughter had the option to walk in from the school bus to their home without an adult but she said no, leading Hebert to conclude, “I don’t think my daughter would be comfortable walking alone outside the compound.”
It’s quite the balancing act to nurture much-necessary independence in our children and consider safety in this busy city. As expats here, we should always remember that our stay here is mostly likely transient and that we will ultimately return to our home countries where our children may not enjoy the same privileges. Let us keep the end goal of raising happy, healthy individuals who are well-adjusted in mind as we continue to navigate these possibly perilous streets.
KEEP READING: Really Communicating With Your Child at Every Age
Images: Vivienne Tseng-Rush, Pexels
