Whenever I meet a kid who’s smart, independent, and well-mannered, I can’t help but wonder about how they were brought up. What parenting techniques did their parents use? And more importantly, how do I learn it so that my kid will follow suit?
The last time I found myself wondering about this was after a playdate with five-year-old Val Wang. I love this little kid. He’s polite, independent, and my heart melted watching him be the caring big brother to my 1.5 year old little girl. So, I had to ask. What were mom’s parenting techniques?
Fortunately, mom Shu Qi is an avid reader who runs the PTA book club at Beijing City International School (BCIS) which Val attends. She shared a few of the books that have helped shape her parenting philosophy as well as her book club’s must-reads.
Top five must-read parenting book recommendations:
How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids by Carla Naumburg, PhD
The Self-Driven Child by William Stixrud, PhD and Ned Johnson
Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel J Siegel, M.D. and Mary Hartzell M.Ed
Raising Good Humans by Hunter Clarke-Fields, MSAE
Qi started reading her first parenting book back in 2016 when she found out she was pregnant and hasn’t stopped since. “Honestly, it’s more like helping me instead of helping him. I guess I have been gradually and sometimes subconsciously changing my parenting style, which leads to the changes in Val’s behaviors and feelings about me and our family. Anxiety can be contagious, and so can calmness. I tend to be a better mom for him, and fortunately to see him choose to be a better child as a response.” Qi tells us.
With so many parenting self-help books out there, how does one choose? By the cover? I think not! “I prefer books with understanding, compassion, and love in them to tell me it’s ok to be a parent who needs information, support, and resources. The challenges do not make me a bad parent,” says Qi. “The bonus could be if the books are funny and hilarious to read. Parenting is already super hard in many ways, would be a bit easier if I could crack myself up a little bit when learning how to manage and even enjoy it.”
From personal experiences of Gymboree staff telling me if my kid didn’t attend their class that she’ll be left behind when she starts kindergarten, it’s easy to get sucked into the competitive rat race. It’s natural for us to want the best for our kids and no parent wants to hear that their child will be left behind, so we end up quickly stressing ourselves out and end up sucking out the fun in play based learning.
“Make enjoying your kids your top parenting priority” is really a game-changer. I could sometimes forget how grateful, blessed, and lucky I am to have my child with me and to enjoy our time together when losing my sh*t with him. No short-term glorious moment is worth ruining the long-term relationship between you and your child(ren). Not straight A’s on report cards, no gold medals at the Olympics, nothing.” says Qi.
It’s never too late for a bit of self-improvement. So which book should we start with?
Qi recommends How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish.
Images: Shu Qi, Taobao, Pexels
