Embarking on the journey of fatherhood is undoubtedly a profound and joyous experience, but it comes with its unique set of challenges. The transition to becoming a new dad is a transformative phase, filled with wonder and excitement. While the prospect of nurturing a new life is rewarding, it’s crucial to acknowledge that men, like anyone embracing a new role, require time and understanding to adjust to the responsibilities and nuances of fatherhood. This period of adaptation is not only normal but essential, emphasizing the importance of having a strong support group and quality individuals to talk to. Creating a network of understanding friends and family becomes a cornerstone in helping fathers navigate this wonderful yet challenging chapter in their lives.
Fortunately, in Beijing there’s a guy who’s got the delicate act of balancing life as a dad, professional career, fitness, mental health, and a loving relationship with his partner all figured out. Seriously, tell us how already!
Ross Parsonage is known by some as “the yoga guy from Taozi Tree,” to others as a super dad to four kids – Kai (8), Mia (6), Mateo (3), and Javi (3 months) –and to many clients as their trusted confidant. He’s got over 20 years of legal industry experience in Asia and understands the complexity of working in corporate China. In addition to that, he’s a wellness workplace specialist, NLP master and life coach, accredited mediator, and registered yoga teacher. Ross is passionate about empowering professionals to thrive in and out of the office.
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We asked Ross to share some tips for first-time dads on how to be the best version of themselves both professionally and at home.
First Child
- Joyous, disruptive, and challenging.
- But there are two of you (or more, if you have supportive grandparents nearby) so you have safety in numbers and can more easily carve out time for yourselves (both individually and as a couple).
Tip #1 – Your job is to look after Mum before, during, and after the birth. Food, sleep, massages, support. All very important. The two of you are the bedrock of the family. Your relationship is the most important, so invest the time. Love is a verb. Love on her.
Tip #2 – There is not a huge amount you can do for the baby in the first few months, so do whatever you can do with a smile on your face. Changing diapers and being involved in bath time should not be seen as chores but as opportunities to bond and get to know your child as they grow. Your child will grow super quickly; don’t miss it!
Multiple Children
- Different experience to having just one or even two children.
- It’s neither easier nor harder; (it is) just different.
- Time/resources become scarce as your family grows.
- The risk is that children do not get the attention they had before.
- It’s great to have children of similar ages. Our son (8) and daughter (6) are only two years apart. It’s great if they can play together. And they do from time to time, but they also fight a lot and wind each other up.
Tip #3 – When introducing older siblings to their new brother/sister, arrange for the baby to give brother/sister a present so they don’t see the baby as a threat, getting all the attention. It takes pressure off the baby.
Tip #4 – Arrange quality time with each child. Both mother and father should spend one-on-one time with all the children. This could be as simple as going to a local grocery store together, but it should be seen as a date. Think of it as an activity with some food and some fun. This is a great way to let them know they are still important and special to you.
Tip #5 – If you can give your children their own space, then do so. We recently converted a large storage cupboard into a Princess Paradise for our daughter to make room for our second son, to move into a room with our eldest son.
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Tip #6 – In addition to carving out quality time with your kids (and wife), make sure you also find time to look after yourself. For me, I try to get up earlier than the rest of the household. I enjoy an extra one to two hours in the morning of tranquility. I can read, work, go to the gym, meditate – do whatever, without disruption.
Tip #7 – Also, don’t neglect your friends. Yes, it is going to be harder to see them as you did before, but keep in contact and make the effort. In time you will find that you will naturally gravitate to other parents with kids with similar ages and interests. The family get-togethers, trips, and dinners become easier and sought-after. Your friends in Beijing are your chosen family.
Tip #8 – Smart children’s watches are great. Our two eldest have them. It means they have more freedom, as do we. They can play outside in the compound in comparative safety, and we can always call them.
Tip #9 – Try to give your children a routine. We have written down step-by-step routines for our children for mornings, evenings, and dinnertime. They keep us on track and save us from having to repeat ourselves.
Tip #10 – Finally, it’s ok to fail. I get angry and shout more than I would like to admit, primarily when they need me, and I am distracted by some “urgent” work issues. Every day I try to do better. I quite often tell myself I will complete work when they have gone to bed, but often I am too tired.
When life becomes an overwhelming maze and managing its complexities feels like an insurmountable task, a reassuring voice can make all the difference. That’s where Ross comes in — a trusted confidant ready to lend an empathetic ear and provide valuable guidance.
Whether you’re grappling with personal challenges or navigating the twists and turns of life, having Ross on the other end of the line offers a supportive and understanding connection. His ability to actively listen and offer thoughtful advice becomes a beacon of comfort during those times when life’s challenges seem too daunting to face alone. Reach out to Ross, and let the weight of the world be replaced by a sense of shared understanding and support.
Images: Ross Parsonage
