Disclaimer: The following writing contains discussion of underage drinking, underage smoking, and self-harm. Please proceed at your own risk.
Let me start off by painting you a picture. I’m a middle schooler at an international school and part of a community that’s all about encouraging each other, encouraging curiosity, discovery, and positivity.
I had always thought that all my friends around me knew the difference between what they should and shouldn’t do, but the truth proved otherwise. I had to reevaluate my perception of my community and become more aware of who I am talking to with a lot more attention to detail and caution. My whole life I was told that the environment I was provided with is safe and that I would always be around people who are educated and encouraging. Why, you ask? Well, the story begins when some of my friends told me that a person I have been talking to at the start of this school year has been exhibiting some odd behaviors.
Let’s call this person Blake.
Blake identifies as part of the pride community. Blake and I were put in the same advisory group at the beginning of the school year, and since the first time we met, I could not tell if Blake identifies as a boy or girl. To this day, Blake has never told us their preference.
Sometime during December, all of the information about Blake crashed onto me like a wave, and to this day, I am still in shock at the craziness of the information.
I know we all say that gossiping isn’t good, but adults and kids all do it. It’s human nature to talk about things that strike our interest, especially when it’s about members of our own community.
The first thing my friends told me was that during one of our school’s off-campus trips last year, Blake wore a T-shirt one day, and what they saw on Blake’s arm made their jaws drop. A series of knife cuts went from Blake’s wrist all the way up to Blake’s elbow. I didn’t understand why. Is it the only form of stress release they could find, is it drugs, or are they actually considering ending their life? I have heard about people who are a part of the pride community struggling with mental health issues, but someone who is the same age as me, a middle schooler, already thinking about ending their life? That I had NEVER heard of until I met Blake.
The fact that Blake has cuts up their arm perhaps explains why they prefer to wear things to conceal their secret. Blake once wore those kinds of accessories that covered their wrists and part of their arms, as well as exaggerated-looking boots and clothing that looked like they belonged to someone going to a Halloween party dressed as a villain from a fantasy novel.
As time passed, there was one time when Blake was absent for a long time, and everyone was confused as to why. One of my friends scrolled through her WeChat Moments and saw that Blake had gone on vacation in a foreign country on an island with their boyfriend.
How did Blake even get a boyfriend this young, you may ask? Well, Blake met their boyfriend at a bar that Blake goes to regularly. Again, let me remind you that we’re middle schoolers and we LOOK like middle schoolers! Blake was once invited to one of my friends’ birthday parties at a KTV, and when Blake asked if any of the other friends wanted to drink alcohol, everyone at the party realized that drinking wasn’t a novelty for Blake. And true to tween behavior, Blake’s fondness for alcohol spread amongst our community.
This was already extremely mind-blowing for me, as I could not believe that there was someone like Blake in my immediate circle. Then came the stories of how Blake also smokes.
Two of my friends were playing on the soccer field once, and through the metal bars that separated the field from the streets, they saw Blake smoking. That explained why whenever I sit beside Blake during class, there is usually such a strong smell of cigarettes.
Perhaps I am just too naïve in feeling shocked about these matters. People, teenagers included, have engaged in these types of activities for such a long time and it is nothing new, but I have always felt so distanced from them. To me, they were stories you see in the news and rumors that you hear about “someone a friend of a friend knows.” The community that I am in is always so bright and clean, but all of this opened me up to a side of the city’s international school community that I never thought I would witness.
There’s a Chinese proverb “近朱者赤，近墨者黑” – you become who you spend your time with. So, choose wisely, and spend your time wisely with the people whom you want to learn from.
However, outside of all these matters, Blake is just like any other student and friend – Blake does math quite easily, Blake engages in conversations in class, and they are always trying their hardest. Blake is simply like any other tween you may know, but with some aspects of their life just a bit different. I try my best to remain neutral to people like Blake, and I guess that is the best you can do when you are put in the same environment. As harsh as it may sound, advising them to get out of this vicious cycle or even being there for them is not my job and honestly goes far beyond what knowledge I have of it. Who knows if my advice or guidance will help or actually do more harm? Right now, I’m working on acknowledging that not everyone may have the same values in life and staying away from them but not intentionally showing your fear and discriminative perceptions of them.
*These are the writer’s personal opinions, a member of our community whose voice has requested to be heard, and do not represent those of Jingkids. If you or someone you know has been harming themselves, please see a mental health professional to get the proper help needed.
Images: Pexels
